Fractured | Tobias Eaton ✓

06 | Fourita Discuss Fear Landscapes

There's something about him that makes me kind of lose my mind. I'm not sure if it's his face or how he looks at me. I still get unnerved by how deeply he sees me. When he looks at me I just... I fall in love with myself. Something about how he looks at me just tells me how much he loves me.

And how could I hate what he loves so much?

"Did you know... that my fear landscape has changed?"

I lift my eyebrows in confusion, "It has?" Mine has subtly changed as well but it was unsurprising to me. Now my fear of failure filters between my family and Tobias. Sometimes he's with them. Only it's the Tobias I saw on visiting day. He's changed since then.

A lot. His cheeks are less hollow and his eyes look less tired. It might have something to do with how often I remind him he has to eat. We both tend to forget that. But we remind one another.

"You're in it." My body turns to ice just as he says that, what does that mean? "Do you remember what was in it that first time we went through together?"

"Yea... the heights, the lady with the gun, him, and confined spaces."

Tobias' adam's apple jumps up, "You're the lady now." Now, this makes me genuinely turn into a statue... Tobias has to kill me. "I haven't been able to get out of it for weeks."

I can't look at him, it makes my heart hurt to think about that. We're laying across from one another, both with an arm tucked under the side of our heads. I reach my open arm out and rest my hand on his cheek. "That sounds terrifying... you're in mine too."

"What happens in yours?" He turns his face into my hand and I pause to watch him before answering.

"You know how I said my family sometimes pours out blood or they look super emaciated?" He nods slowly, closing his eyes. "You do that sometimes now. It... it's even harder than with my family because like... I've only ever seen you be strong."

We share a deep breath, "Maybe we should go through them with each other."

My body turns to stone–Tobias hasn't ever been in mine before. My fears are still the same as before–save for one. Now instead of heights, blood and gore are their own fear entirely. Blood... being unable to help my loved ones... and being exposed. I don't think Tobi would like that one too much.

"I'm not sure you'd like mine too much."

He opens his eyes, "That would make sense, it is a fear landscape."

"No, I mean like... some of them manifest in ways that... I think you wouldn't like?" My face crinkles as I try to explain while being as vague as possible.

"What do you mean? I know your fears, isn't that an explanation enough?" I shake my head, "Can you tell me...?"

I nod shakily, "I don't know how to explain it without it sounding weird." Tobias scoffs at me, "I'm being honest. It is weird though." Tobias just waits, neither of us have work today. I guess I should just show him... "Would you rather just... see it?"

"If that's what you want."

—

Maybe I'm not the best at making decisions. As I inject him with the fear landscape serum, I begin to regret bringing him here. "You're 100% sure about this–right?"

"Kind of hard to back out now," He says with an awkward laugh, I lift my hijab and he injects me. I still have a hard time with the needles. "I'm sure it'll be fine."

I just nod at him as we walk into what will soon be my fear landscape. Usually, I skate right through it but something about having Tobias in here sets me on edge. I'm tense as the landscape changes around us.