I find Tobias where he promised he'd be. The wind makes the air chilly, I'm very thankful for Tamino's jacket now. Tobias doesn't say anything as we walk to the train, he holds my hand as we go. It's familiar now. The warmth of his hand pressing into mine calms my anxieties.
The train rounds the corner and we jog along the tracks. He jumps in with ease and helps me up. Tobias' arm wraps around my back, settled on my waist as he pulls me right against his chest. My breath catches in the back of my throat as he stares at me again.
He's looking right into my brain and I can almost feel him sifting through my reactions. Then he smiles and my heart shatters. It's painful how gorgeous he is. I set a hand on his chest and close my eyes, leaning my forehead on my hand.
Tobias pulls us inside the car and I sit down with him. The wind is overbearing but I don't mind it now. We're more alone than ever now. And that weighs heavy on me.
"What'd you want to meet with me for?" I ask–well it's more of a yell because of the wind.
"Just wanted to be able to act normally after today. Sorry."
I shrug, "I understand." Tobias lifts my face by setting a hand on my cheek. It burns through the fabric covering my head. "I do," I say, bringing my right hand up to hold his wrist.
Tobias just nods, "I should have warned you."
"It was kind of hard to talk when I wouldn't stop kissing on you," I mumble as quietly as possible. I can tell he either heard me or read my lips by the smirk he wears.
That's when he laughs at my response and I swear I could cry. I feel so sick with adoration for him that it's embarrassing. "You're so pretty, Tobias." I can't help it, he's the prettiest person I've ever seen. Especially when he's smiling.
"You're prettier." He leans close to my ear, pulling me in, and adds, "Mashallah," The pronunciation is terrible but I can't help it when a cheesy smile grows on my face.
"Where'd you learn that?" I ask pushing my cheek against his.
"I've been reading about Islam, I'm curious about it."
I think I might die. It might not be much but he's putting in an effort to learn about something so important to me. Even if I tend to slack now that I don't have my ma to remind me to keep up with my prayer and the like.
There's no thinking required when I pull his face toward mine, I stare right into his eyes and nudge my nose against his. "That's the most attractive thing ever." And I kiss him. He responds faster than I expect and I'm leaning to keep connected.
The way I'm sitting is so awkward. I pull away, breathing deeply, and consider for a moment. "Can I sit on your lap?" I ask and from the heat that I feel in my cheeks, I just know I'm red. Tobias nods shakily and it makes me chuckle. There's no awkwardness–just desire as I straddle his lap.
Tobias initiates the second kiss and it's so much deeper. I want to feel his skin, my hands are touching whatever isn't zipped up under his jacket. He's as warm as I am and I swear I might faint when one of Tobias' hands finds its way behind my back.
He presses down between my shoulder blades and I shudder–pushing impossibly closer to him. Tobias is everywhere as I begin to feel drunk off of him. It's euphoric. I've never known such a feeling before but I never want it to end.
When I have to take a breath, he's kissing my jaw and my cheeks. I loosen my hijab without even thinking and then Tobias is there. Pulling the fabric down to access my neck. The way he's sucking on the skin makes my eyes roll backward until I see white.
Nobody told me kissing was this magical.
I'm gripping his shoulders tightly–grounding myself as I feel my heart rate skyrocketing every time he blows hot air on my skin.
When he draws back, I look down at him in confusion–I stop... staring at him. His lips are swollen and his cheeks are blood red. Tobias looks as drunk as I feel. My hand cups his chin before I even tell it to and I'm feeling his lips, incredibly curious as to what they feel like.
My thumb draws over his bottom lip as I watch in awe as his eyes flutter shut. I see his eyes roll back under his eyelids as I lightly touch his face. His skin is soft and clear of any imperfections. He's literally perfect. So perfect it hurts.
"I don't want this to ever end," I say, still examining his drunk expression. Tobias opens his eyes and nudges my thumb with his nose. I run it down the length of his nose, feeling how it turns down at the end and how it's quite thin in the front. I shut my eyes and continue feeling his features–I try to memorize Tobias' face under my fingers.
There's a bump toward the top of his nose, his eyebrows are unkempt, and the right side of his hairline is taller than the other. His eyes are tucked under a large protrusion where his eyebrows sit. He has gooseskin under his eyes. My fingers drift further down. His lips.
Blush pink and big. If I'd seen him before knowing him, I would have probably thought he looked odd. But they suit him. I feel the soft skin there and then the scratch of his stubble. Tobias must have not shaved this morning. I lean my face near his and kiss him lightly.
I draw away and his eyes slowly open–his pupils are blown and it startles me. It's usually so hard to see his pupils because his eyes are so dark... but we're so close. We don't speak and I'm glad. I doubt my voice would be very strong even if I tried.
He looks so delicate in the moonlight. I'm so glad I came to meet him. I was thinking the worst might happen. Well–falling for him is pretty bad isn't it?
"What are you thinking?" His voice is barely a whisper but I catch it.
"I'm afraid to say."
Tobias' eyebrows furrow, "Why?" He's holding my face now. I close my eyes at the feeling of his warmth fighting with the ice of the wind.
I gulp, "It might scare you." And me. But I don't say that out loud. Tobias asks why again. I hug him around his neck and whisper into his ear. "I think I'm falling for you."
Every silent nod, every instance of prolonged eye contact, him praising me, treating me like I'm strong... it's all only worsened my condition.
Tobias doesn't tense like I expect him too–he melts and laughs. He throws his head back and bangs it on the car wall.
"Oh my!" I say, holding the top of his head, "Why'd you do that!?"
He doesn't stop laughing, he just shakes his head at me. I scowl a little, wanting answers. "Don't make a nasty face, Rita! You just told me you're falling for me." The way he mocks my voice makes me feel incredibly embarrassed.
I cover my face with both of my hands, "I hate you." That's a lie. I know it's a lie as I say it, but I say it anyway.
My lie doesn't stop his entertainment with my discomfort. "Stop, please," He pulls my hands away from my face. I can't help how I'm curling my upper lip in exasperation. "Oh, come on," He begs, "I wasn't making fun of you. It's a lot for me, that's all."
It's my turn for my brows to furrow. "Wait what?" I hold a hand up, "You've never been with anyone else before?" When Tobias shakes his head no, I groan–dropping my forehead onto his chest.
"You find that surprising?" He asks and I don't have the strength to speak, so I nod–still groaning. "I find it surprising you'd think I have experience in any of this."
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