The Redemption Arc (A BBC's Merlin Fanfiction)

Chapter 18

Friendly reminder to try listening to the instrumental music (that I DO NOT OWN) while reading the chapter for an enhanced experience.

Gaius threw the door wide open, welcoming Morgana in. "Merlin's not here, I'm afraid," he smiled apologetically. 

"I'm not here for Merlin," Morgana said, cautiously. "Not yet, at least."

She stepped in, and the familiar smell of burnt wood and books hit her. She found herself wishing Merlin were here. Perhaps his very presence might make things easier. But he wasn't here now, and this was something she had to do. 

"Gaius," she started but he cut her off. 

"I know why you're here, my lady. You feel remorseful, but there is nothing you must feel sorry for. I was at fault. I tried to suppress your power, even when I knew the prophecies of your greatness. I thought I could change it, but as is often the case when mortals try to change their fate, I only aided the prophecies."

"No, Gaius," Morgana said sternly and stood up. She was tired of kindness. She wanted something real. She wanted her friends back. "I was at fault, and there is no denying it. I felt wronged, and hurt and angry. I thought I was doing the right thing, but I had help if I needed it. I could've been helped. In my anger, I was so blind. The horrible things I said, the terrible things I did.." Morgana felt her vision blur with tears. She blinked them back furiously. "It is all past me now. I have changed. I want to help. But first, I need you to forgive me."

Gaius opened his mouth, but Morgana looked him in the eye and said, "No Gaius. I need you to truly forgive me. I can't—I don't know what I would do if I had to leave Camelot, knowing I hurt you and knowing you hold that against me. You were a father and a friend to me when my father couldn't be there for me. I need my friend back."

Gaius' had been blinking furiously himself up until then, but then he let the tears flow. He held out his arms and Morgana hesitantly let him embrace her. "I forgive you, Morgana. You have suffered much, and I wish only happiness and love in your life from now on." 

*** 

Arthur summoned Gaius to help finalize Merlin and Morgana's travel plans, and Morgana traveled with him back to the palace. They didn't talk much as they walked, and Morgana didn't mind. She enjoyed this peace. It reminded her of herself when she was younger and would suffer from nightmares. When it first started, Gaius would simply take her on long walks to help clear her mind. He would tell her stories about King Uther and young Arthur and her own parents. He would tell her to fill her mind with so many happy memories and stories that the nightmares fade away. It didn't work, for different reasons, but it was a source of peace during waking hours. 

When they reached, Morgana and Gaius parted ways. But before he left, he smiled. It was only a smile, but it felt to Morgana as though another piece of her heart had clicked into place. 

***

Morgana was saddling her bags when she heard hurried footsteps and surprised yelps and Merlin yelling apologies. 

"Sorry! Coming through!" Merlin weaved through crowds and made his way to the entrance of the palace. He pushed past a couple walking to the exit to the city, and they turned to glare at him, "Really, really, sorry."

He rushed to the entrance where the two horses were almost prepared for their journey, and Morgana stood, waiting for Arthur and Gwen. "Morgana, do you know if—" 

Morgana turned to face him and he stopped. His eyes traveled the length of her face and he just stood there for a moment watching her, decked in a silver shirt and black trousers, a black belt around her waist and a silver necklace that hung neatly around the neck of her shirt. Her long hair had been braided back, with but a few strands that escaped. Morgana was no stranger to the looks of awe she received. It had been a while, but she had not forgotten. Especially when she wore her extravagant gowns and jewelries, she knew that even in ceremonies that did not concern her, every eye would take her in.