The Redemption Arc (A BBC's Merlin Fanfiction)

Chapter 28

Camelot had never thrived like this for decades, at least not since the death of queen Ygraine. Arthur, unlike his predecessor, understood the power of bureaucracy, and rightly appointed several more representatives to his greater war council. With more voice given to people through their representatives, and branches of workers put to the task, each division could work on its niche efficiently and responsibly. 

Artisans flourished even in a war economy under the wisdom and foresight of Queen Guinevere. Those who worried about a change in the queen's demeanor once she became the most powerful woman in the land worried in vain. Word spread through the five lands about the powerful, wise and beautiful Queen Guinevere, who not only remembered her humble beginnings, but also used them to her advantage during times of need. 

Merlin was grateful to have known these people in his lifetime. He truly believed that Arthur, Gwen and Morgana would go down in history, and if he were to talk to someone from the future, who would believe he had known and loved all these people? 

He sat at the unfinished steps of the Northside entrance of the Temple, chugging water during his break. Arthur had dismissed him for the day since he had to meet with the four other Kings, and could not take Merlin. 

"Why not?" he had demanded. 

"Merlin," Arthur sighed. "Morgana told me about you being Emrys." 

Merlin was puzzled. But Arthur already knew about his magic? 

"I'm going for a peaceful discussion, with minimal defense or weaponry," Arthur explained. "I can hardly take the most powerful sorcerer in the world and pretend that he's harmless." He smirked, and Merlin felt both annoyed and slightly pleased.  

In the reflection of the water in the large pot he saw his face was smeared with dirt. He could hardly wipe it off with his even dustier hands. He couldn't wait to get home and soak. The chatter of workers and loud sounds of construction had become pleasant to his ears, however, and Merlin leaned against a pillar, and closed his eyes. 

"Merlin?" He heard Gwen's voice, and his eyes flew open. He hadn't realized he fell asleep. 

"Gwen!" He stood up, partly in respect, and partly to hug her, but he refrained. His clothes were too dirty. 

But he looked at Gwen's clothes. They were different from what she wore at court. They didn't shine in the sunlight, and she sported soothing lavenders and blues and yellows rather than the powerful reds and emeralds from court. It reminded him of a carefree past he didn't regret moving on from. 

She stepped forward nonetheless, and kissed him on the cheek. 

"I just saw Morgana," she informed casually, without any prompting on his part. He had wanted to ask, but he wanted to know about Gwen's mission first. "I had a few meetings with farmers. Surplus is low this year, but we need it. We have to stock up before the war begins, or else our kingdom will collapse from the inside. If need be, we can borrow, especially since we are now allying with the four Kings." 

Merlin listened to her talk, smiling. Gwen was obviously simplifying things for his sake, but never leaving a single detail out. She cared about her duties beyond her sense of duty, and that was something he loved about her. 

"I'm glad to see the construction is going well. You know you have responsibilities back at the palace right? You can't just roam around Camelot anymore," Gwen scolded. 

Merlin laughed. "I'm too powerful for my duties today, so I thought I'd help where I'm wanted." 

Gwen smiled a tiny smile, indicating she knew what he was talking about. "I saw Morgana," she said again. "She found people willing to teach. After teaching the children, now she has to train them." 

"That's great!" Merlin smiled. "It'll be worth it, especially when Morgana is going to have to leave for war." 

And then it suddenly wasn't so great anymore. Every other sentence seemed to be about the war. 

Stupid Mordred. 

*** 

"I thought about what you said yesterday," Morgana said suddenly. They were returning from another meeting of the war council, headed by Gwen today in Arthur's absence. Her face looked tired but her voice was stern. The hallways were empty as the councilors went to their own respective homes instead of hanging back at the palace. Everyone seemed to be anxious to be with their families as much as possible. 

"About Arthur?" Merlin asked. 

"Yes and no," Morgana looked up at the decorated roof, still walking. "About you." 

"What about me?"

"I believe you misunderstand something. You seem to think of Arthur as more than a person, more than someone who gives you purpose." Morgana stopped walking and turned to Merlin. He stopped as well, hanging on to her every word. Morgana could see that she had struck something. "You appear to think of Arthur's life as synonymous with your own." 

Merlin looked away, thinking. Was it true? As long as Arthur was alive, Merlin could see a future of his own. He'd always have Arthur by his side, and he would always be by his. He saw himself and Morgana together, teaching each other things and laughing and kissing. He saw himself and Gwen, having serious discussions as frequently as they had silly ones. He saw himself training vigorously among the other knights, them not once pointing out that he was different from them. 

But if something were to ever happen to Arthur... Merlin could no longer see a future. It was entirely dark. How could he be with Morgana or Gwen or the knights and not remember his best friend? How could he ever be happy? 

"What do I do?" He turned to Morgana and looked away again, hearing his voice break. He couldn't cry over Arthur again. Not now. It would be too much like accepting defeat. 

"Nothing. You don't have to imagine life without Arthur, because we will do everything in our power to keep him safe. Both of us. Even if it means our own lives are on the line. Shouldn't that count for something?" Morgana tried to smile. 

Merlin blinked hot tears away. He hummed in acquiescence. 

"Merlin," her voice had gone down to a whisper, as if she feared that if she spoke up, her voice would break and she would cry. "To save Arthur isn't your entire life's purpose. It is a very important goal. As it is for me and Gwen and the entire kingdom. If you should ever need a purpose to live for, you can have Arthur. But do not pin your entire life on him. Allow me to share some of that purpose. But above all, make yourself your own purpose. Allow yourself to be happy." 

Merlin couldn't believe what was happening. Here was a girl who had dragged herself out of the depths of hell, and as soon as she set foot on earth, she was back at the gates of Hell, pulling him out. 

Allow yourself to be happy. 

She was right. To mope around right now would mean that he believed the misguided, obscure, terrifying prophecy. He had a chance. And he would take it for Arthur. For Morgana. For everyone who loved him. For himself. 

*** 

Sorry it's so short and lacking content. But I did update recently. I hope you enjoy, and hope you stay to read more. 

I know the music is a little upbeat for the sadness. But I do mean what I wrote. Allow yourself to be happy. Make yourself your own purpose. Thank you for coming to my TedTalk. 

Lol I can't believe I once thought I'd be done in 30 chapters. 

Happy reading! 

Monarch.