The Redemption Arc (A BBC's Merlin Fanfiction)

Chapter 19

After a while of quietly riding, Merlin looked over at their heavily-saddled bags and asked Morgana, "Do you think we may have packed too much for simply a day's ride?" 

Morgana looked at their bags, too, puzzled. "I have no idea what you mean." 

Merin remembered the many bags carried on different horses ridden by different guards every time Morgana set out of Camelot, and grinned. "Of course you don't." 

Morgana turned to look at him slowly, with a chilly expression. "What's that supposed to mean?" 

"Well," Merlin racked his brain for ways to explain without offending her. "Just that...being a noblewoman may have made it difficult for you to ride lightly." 

"And would the emphasis be on noble or woman?" 

Merlin hesitated. "I fear that's a trick question." 

Morgana scoffed. "Not that I need to explain anything to you, but there was a time Morgause and I had a little spat and I lived by myself. I fended for myself, traveling lightly, never staying in one place too long, and never owning anything I couldn't grab at a moment's notice." 

"Why?"

The proud look on Morgana's face faltered. "What?"

"You and Morgause only had a little argument. Why did you have to move around so much?" 

"I was too proud. I told her I didn't need her." Morgana appeared to be narrating the story as if it were a thing of the past, as if it didn't bother her anymore. But her eyes told Merlin a different story. In her eyes he could see all the sadness and pain she was hiding. Except this time was different. She wasn't simply locking it away, letting it bottle up anymore. Merlin had noticed her looking around every time her face fell. It was as if she was rationalizing her feelings. She was trying to make sense of what she felt in her own heart and trying to see everything in a new light. 

Merlin opened his mouth to console her if he could but Morgana looked at him. "But I was wrong." 

Merlin paused, letting her let out everything she needed to. "I did need her. But I do not regret what I did, because I had to learn that the hard way. And Morgause knew I loved her, that I appreciated her, and that I owe everything to her."

"It is freeing, thinking about it this way." Morgana looked up into the sky, holding the reins on the horse with one hand, a soft smile playing on her lips. 

"That you had to go through everything you did to know everything you do now, and to become the person you are now." 

Morgana's smile froze, and she looked at him, "I don't know why I tell you all of this." 

Because you and I, we're the same.

Merlin grinned and shrugged. "I'm irresistible. People often tell me they find themselves drawn to me." 

"The same goes for me," Morgana smirked. "The one large difference, of course, would be that I'm not joking." 

Merlin drew a surprised hand to his heart. "I was right in thinking we didn't need Arthur on this trip. There really is no difference between you and him." 

Morgana grinned. "You find yourself drawn to my brother?"

"I find myself stunned by the Pendragon pompousness," Merlin shot back. 

"It's what keeps you in Camelot," Morgana turned back to face forward, her head lifted arrogantly. 

Merlin scoffed and faced forward himself. He felt his irritation dissipate immediately, and slowly looked over at Morgana. Here she was, riding to her doom, and yet she appeared to be biting back a smile. 

***

"Let's take a break." 

Morgana looked around, sharpening her senses realizing that she was outside of home. 

Had she slept off?

"Why?" Morgana demanded. They couldn't be that much farther off. 

Merlin chuckled. She was still atop her horse, and he was standing next to her. He had his hand on the rein as well. 

"Because," Merlin explained, "you're going to fall off." 

Morgana felt the tips of her ears burn. "I haven't ridden out in months. Of course I'm tiring easily. But that is no reason to stop. If anything, it only means we have to get there faster." 

Merlin shook his head. "We're at the foot of the mountains of Isgard. We don't have to cross the mountains, but the path is going to be difficult for a while now. You need to save up your energy. We don't know what it's going to be like when we reach the forests of Balor." 

"I refuse." 

Merlin waited for an explanation, then looked at her in amazement. How very Pendragon-like. She saw no need to explain herself to him. If she refused, then that was that. 

Well, being with one sibling had taught him plenty over the years. 

Merlin walked back over to his horse, and Morgana smiled triumphantly. He smirked and tied one end of a rope to his own horse, and the other to Morgana's. 

"What are you doing?" 

"If you're going to be stubborn, then so am I."

Morgana stared at him in confusion. He mounted his horse, and reached out his hand to Morgana. "Ride with me." 

"What?"

"If you fall asleep, I'll at least be able to keep you on the horse. And if I fall asleep, there is no better chance than this for you to slap me awake." 

Morgana looked at Merlin, unable to gauge his expression. So far, she had been able to stow away to the back of her mind any tension between them. But in such close proximity she wondered if she could dominate her thoughts. 

"We're running out of time here." 

Morgana took a deep breath. Everything I do, it's all beyond me. Nothing is for myself. She took Merlin's hand and he helped her up. 

She sat in front of him, but they were so close, too close. 

"You can close your eyes if you want to," Merlin whispered. 

Because that's all he needed to do now. Because they were so close to each other. 

Morgana nodded and closed her eyes. Earlier they had been so heavy, closing them had felt like a small blessing. But now she strained to keep them closed. She could hear Merlin's light breathing. He had kept a gentlemanly distance between them so she wasn't pressed up against him, but she could still close her eyes and know he was a head taller. That if she leaned back she could lean against his chest.

Her eyes flew open. She took a calming breath. "Merlin?"

"Hmm?"

"I can't sleep anymore," she whispered. Merlin's heart thudded against his chest and he breathed slowly through his nose so as to not tap into the connection he shared with Morgana. 

He hesitated, but he knew it was only proper, so he asked, "Do you want to go back to Llamrei?" 

Morgana looked over at her horse, and wondered if she was being too bold. "No."

There was a silent tension in the air. It was as real and yet as untouchable as the fog that they passed through. 

Morgana turned to face Merlin, and his eyes that were looking straight ahead until then shot to her face. His eyes met hers and it felt as if he was doing something forbidden, so he let his eyes wander around the forest. 

"Merlin?"

He looked at her. 

"Teach me your magic." 

***

A long wait and a short chapter, I know. Sorry! 

Monarch.