The Love You Give and Take

Suffer

TRIGGER WARNING. 

TALK OF SUICIDE, ABUSE, RAPE, AND DRUG ADDICTIONS

PLEASE PROCEED CAUTIOUSLY. 

Zara POV

Beep Beep

What was that noise?

Beep Beep

It's so loud.

The loud beeping sound got progressively worse and progressively more annoying. I tried opening my eyes but I felt so tired. I also heard voices in the room, voices I haven't heard in years.  

With my last remaining bits of strength I open my eyes to see 5 tall figures standing in the room.

My brothers.

The ones who have inhabited my brain for the last 9 years. The ones who I dreamed about meeting again are finally here. But, they're here when I wanna be gone. 

I knew what I was doing when I took those pills. I wanted my life to end. I wanted that eternal peace that everybody talks about, and I couldn't even have that. 

My "brothers" must of noticed my movements as they all started gathering around me.

"Zee are you okay." The number one voice of my nightmares ask. 

Declan. My best friend. My ride or die. My "always and forever." My Bubba.

"Declan." My voice raspy from never using it. I see the tears in his eyes as well as the others. They must be sad that I survived. They never wanted me before. 

"Hey sweetheart, how are you feeling." A voice I haven't heard in almost 4 years ask.

"Ezra, (I decided to play dumb) what happened?" I asked. I decided I need to speak, as one day they are going to get a piece of my mind. I am tired of hiding my pain. 

I see him take in a bug gulp of air, probably unsure on how to tell me I tried to kill myself.

"You overdosed on opioids, the doctors had to pump your stomach, that's why you may have pain in your stomach." I hear the voice of Theo my second oldest brother say. They have changed so much since I last saw them.

I want to tell him the pain is probably from the nasty purple/greenish bruise I required from another one of Alexander glorious beatings, but I kept my mouth shut for now.  

"Why.. are.. yo..u guys...here?" I ended up coughing throughout my sentence, my throat was killing me and I desperately needed water.

"I... ne..ed...wa..ter." I coughed out.  

I saw Flynn jump into action going out to ask the nurse from some water. When he brought it back I gave them a look that I hope they would figure out as, I need an answer to my question, while Flynn was helping me drink some water. I felt extremely uncomfortable, but I needed help. 

"We found you on the pavement after you ran from the school. When we saw you lying there we called 911 to bring you here. They said a few minutes later you wouldn't have made it." Theo states tears rolling down his face.

"We know about you foster parents and what they were doing. I'm so sorry you had to go through that. The nurses also said that you had multiple scars, words and signs of extreme abuse on your body. They also wanted to run some test on you.... They said you had signs of being sexually abused and they want to make sure your free of any damage or STIs......" Sammy states while looking to the ground. 

I sucked in a good amount of air before opening my mouth.

"Okay." It was simple answer. One that said a thousand words. It had confirmed I had been abused, confirmed that I was sexually assaulted, confirmed that I am in so much pain, and confirmed that I had nothing else to say to my so called "brothers." 

I felt that familiar bubble of anger rising to the surface ready to explode on my brothers, but I had no energy, no willpower, I simply just didn't want to exist in this moment. As I took the time to gather my bearings, I noticed I had no feelings in my legs. I must of had so much adrenaline in my body before that I hadn't noticed. 

"I can't feel my legs, why can't I feel my legs!" I stated urgency as the thought of actual paralysis was an actual possibility. I could feel a panic attack coming on my breathing starting get harsher.

"Get a nurse Ezra!" I heard Sammy shout as he made his way closer to me grabbing my head and putting it near his heart. The action causing me to flinch

"Baby, listen to me you are having a panic attack. I know it's scary, but try to give me a deep breath, please." I did as he asked and started to take deep breaths and slowly my breathing was coming back to normal as I tried to match his heartbeat. 

As I came down from panic attack the doctor came in and started to do test to see why I couldn't feel my legs. As she was doing the test I had no motivation, I said not another word as she states,"I am afraid that she has permanent paralysis in her legs. We are going to run more test but, I'm sorry sweetheart the drug overdose must have caused you permanent paralysis in both of your legs. I will leave you with your family."  

I had not one thought. I felt completely numb for around 5 minutes while everything was silent. Until it started to catch up with me and I let out a heartbreaking sob. I sobbed until I couldn't sob anymore, sobbed until I felt my heart actually break. My brothers were trying to comfort me, but I wanted nothing from them. I sobbed looking into the florescent lights above me, asking God why he couldn't end my life. Asked him why was my life so hard, why is he keeping me on this earth to suffer. 

Hi Butterflies 🦋

Zara has gone through so much in her life 😢, and I know that everything seems bleak now, but Zara is a strong girl who never backs down. She will find her happiness some day.

This chapter was hard to write, I feel so bad for Zara, but I know it will be alright.

Hope everybody is enjoying my story. Leave your comments, votes and reactions. 🥰

Bella 💙