Only you

Chapter 9

Warning: minor panic attacks+description of a panic attack, skip the first half if this bothers you.

"What-I but he's so young." I said.

"They've been dating since around the time you left and they got engaged last year, they hid it from all of our parents until last year when they tricked them into letting them get engaged." Meera replied.

I started to panic, thinking about the idea of seeing any of our extended family or immediate family here, how the hell was I supposed to deal with the gossiping of literally everyone in my childhood. "How come I haven't seen anyone I know then? And you guys live 2 hours away why are you here?" I asked her.

"This is the bride's house, everyone will be here soon, I came early to help out more, and the bride lives here for school and Aman is going to be moving in next month." She said.

"Ok, but why would you get me to be the mehndi artist?" I replied, genuinely confused at the thought of them actually hiring me. A part of me was hoping that they wanted to apologize and they would all accept me and we'd be happy, but that part of me was childish, they couldn't love me for being me.

"Nobody wanted you here, Esha, Aman's fiancée saw you do mehndi at her cousin's wedding and wanted you to do it for her wedding as well, none of us knew it was going to be you until last week, and she had already put down a deposit so it's not like we could just change artists and Aman was spewing some bullshit about him wanting his future wife and his sister to meet." She said bluntly, I could tell she still hated me. It hurt.

"Oh ok." I said shakily, I was trying so hard not to cry at this point, my throat was closing up and tears started to well in my eyes. I felt like I was 17 again, getting scolded for everything I did and having no comfort in anyone around me.

"Don't cry. Your going to ruin this week for Esha and Aman, we'll all just act like we don't know each other." She said angrily.

I tried to act like I was fine but I could feel the panic attack creeping up on me. My throat was closing, I could barely catch my breath, I would hyperventilate in a few minutes, I was sweating a lot, I started to shake. I was almost done her design, just a couple more lines and it would be over, she'd leave me alone.

"Can you stop shaking your going to ruin it." She said, she sounded annoyed.

"Sorry." I whispered.

I started to try and take a couple deep breaths to keep myself calm, I finished about 3 minutes after that and she immediately snatched her hand away, as if it hurt her to even have her hand near mine. The whole situation made my heart ache.

Soon after that more people I recognized came, I could hear them all around me, pointing, staring, whispering, judging me. I felt another panic attack bubbling to the surface but before I could feed into it a girl I didn't know slid into the seat in front of me and started looking at designs.

Her hair was quite short and purple but black at the roots with bangs, instead of a traditional Indian suit she had on a white jumpsuit, she had on a bunch of rings, two necklaces, earrings, and a septum piercing.

She pointed at one of them before saying, "I really like that, do you think it'd suit me?" She asked.

"Uhm yeah I think it would." I replied.

"Ok that one then please." She said.

"Ok." I said before starting the design.

we sat in silence for a couple minutes before she went to say something,"Do you really not recognize me? That hurts my feelings." She was frowning a bit.

"I'm sorry am I supposed to?" I asked her.

"Well I doubted you would, the last time you saw me I was 11." She replied.

"Holy shit, Jas?" I said, Jaspreet was my younger cousin, she was only 11 but she was the only one who was actually nice to me after everything that happened.

"Yup, I bet I look different huh?" She said while smiling at me.

"How do they even let you dress like this?" I asked her.

"Well the hair dye and cutting I did while no one was home, and the piercings I did by forging mum's signature, mom and dad were pissed." She said, still smiling.

"Piercings?" I asked.

"I have a belly button piercing too, everyone always has something to say about me now, but I don't give a fuck." She replied.

"That's good, I'm glad your sticking up for yourself." I said while smiling softly at her.

"Ya know they all say I do it because of you, that you 'influenced' me and maybe you did but I'm not upset about it, I like being like you rather then any of them." She said her kind words helped make me feel more at peace.

"Hmm, just don't get yourself hurt, I'm glad your being yourself but just make sure your still being safe, and if you ever need anyone I'll give you my number, you can always call me." I told her.

"I am being safe. And I would love to get your number." She said.

"Ok." I replied.

She took a deep breath before talking, "I think I'm non-binary I just don't feel like a girl nor do I feel like a guy and I'm also pansexual, I just don't feel like I care about gender, and I'll only say something when I'm 18." They said quite quickly, I almost didn't hear it all.

"Oh ok, you know it's fine for you to be the way you are, fuck whatever our family thinks, you'll always have a place at my house and my friends would love you." I smiled softly.

"Thank you, but I wanna try and do this on my own." They replied.

"Ok." I replied a little disappointed , selfishly I thought if I could shield them from some of the stuff that I went through maybe I could heal a part of me that wishes I had someone throughout the start of all this.

"I'll be 18 in two weeks, then I'll tell everyone and I'll come here, I even got into the university here so I can go to school here." They said.

"That's good but where will you live?." I asked.

"I have a lot of money saved up from jobs so I'm going to rent an apartment here with one of my other friends, I'll also visit you all the time." They replied.

"Ok, you can always ask me for anything especially if you need some money or help finding a job." I told them.

"Thank you." They replied.

I smiled at them and soon I was done with their mehndi, I gave them my number and we parted, the interaction with them made me feel so much better.

I had to do so many more designs on people, which was awkward with those that I knew but thankfully I didn't see anyone else from my immediate family. I knew eventually I would meet them when Khushi and my mom would get their mehndi done but for now I would live in my little blissful bubble.

Hiiii! I decided to make this chapter a tiny bit happier so I introduced Jaspreet which is a character that I made up 5 minutes ago, I originally planned this chapter to be a lot more dramatic but apparently my mind didn't like that while I was writing so yeah. I'm going to have a nap now so bye bye!
<3
Have a good day!