TCR Reviews [Closed]

5| Legendary Stars

Requester dayelight 

Reviewer WriterofStarlight 

Title & Blurb

When I first started reading, I was a bit confused by the title. Now that I've read what you have so far, it makes perfect sense and I love it!

The blurb is a bit congested and doesn't seem to capture exactly what the story is about. I know that the other Legends' identities are a mystery for a good chunk of the story, but mentioning them (even generically) would help you cover more of the plot as Jai isn't the only main character. It kind of feels like the blurb was only meant for Part 1. That being said, the book isn't completed yet so I'm not seeing the whole picture. If you have a plan, don't let me interrupt that. :)

I'd also suggest reading through your blurb and making sure the sentences are a bit clearer. If a reader understands what the book is about, they're more likely to stick around.

Creativity

All I can say about this aspect of your story is "wow!" You have an intricate world, with different factions that all have diverse relations and customs. This is a world I could escape into over and over again, and still be learning something new every time. I particularly loved the prayers from the Legends' predecessors at the beginning of each Part.

Your magic system is very well done! You describe the different methods each faction has of utilizing their abilities, and the reader gets a strong glimpse into the learning process when Jai is being taught how to use his gifts. You put tidbits of information into the narrative, and that really helps the cultural differences stand out, like when Sheraga smelled the smoke while Boaz couldn't.

Characters

Your characters are so, so well done! In the beginning, it was a bit difficult to relate to them because the plot was more dialogue-driven. That changed as the story goes on; it felt like you became more comfortable with your characters and the story you were telling. If I had to gauge a turning point, I would say it was Part 2, as Aqila's abilities and emotions were described in such great detail. I cried, laughed, and stressed when she did. That connection to the characters held true throughout the rest of the book.

You also do a fantastic job of depicting the different relationships between different people. It was easy to tell when their relationship was romantic, friendly, siblings, etc. You showed that through the way they talked, touched, and interacted in general. I was extremely impressed.

Story Sequence & Pacing

The plot is honestly fascinating. It's very straightforward–someone is trying to wipe out the Legends and they need to fight back while also juggling times of war. Because the plot is so straightforward at its core, it allows your characters to direct where the story goes. This results in natural twists and turns, and really gives a lot of dynamic to the book as a whole.

The pacing is pretty rushed, particularly in the beginning. Your book has a lot of potential, so it's natural to be excited to tell the story. Just make sure that you're taking the time to set up scenes and show your characters' emotions rather than telling us what they are. There's also a lot of info-dumping. Spread out the lore a bit, and give your readers a chance to come across a lot of it naturally. I think these things will greatly enhance the experience for both you and your reader.

Grammar

While the book is readable, there are several punctuation errors and you have a lot of run-on sentences. I'd suggest taking the time to read your book out loud when you go to edit, as it will help you catch a lot of those issues. A lot of these issues are usually taken care of in later drafts, so don't stress too much if you aren't there yet.

Overall

This book is amazing! The characters and worldbuilding are absolutely stunning, and I would recommend it to anyone in a heartbeat. After some refining, this could really be a hit. Keep it up :)