TCR Reviews [Closed]

25| Healing Hearts

Requester HappyEndingsWriter 

Reviewer OutOfMyImagination 

Hello and thank you for requesting the review. Since the application said to read at least 10 chapters, that is how much I read. If you have any questions comment here or dm me.

Engagement 13/20

The story feels rushed, more on that later. Some parts have info dumped in them. For example, Emme tells us how she and Noah met and later we get to see that as a flashback, the flashback was good, informative; we got to see how they acted, and etc., so the same information is not needed in a previous chapter. The same was with Jeremy, Emme said he is like a brother before we met him and later she repeated it when we actually met him, though that encounter felt a bit awkward and not very brother-sister-like, my advice would be polishing the hospital scene (when we meet Jeremy) and remove info about him in previous chapters. All these small issues really lower interest/engagement in the story, since we have to read the same info twice.

Concept 8/10

The concept is interesting, I feel like a lot of the story is focused on forgiveness and mental health.

Cover 4/10

The cover is not eye-catching, it does relate to the story theme, but it's not aesthetic enough. This is a darker story featuring romance and family, so try to make a cover that is darker in the color scheme.

The book description 7/10

The book description is okay, but it could be more pulling. You could add more interesting information, and conflicts to pique the reader's interest.

Technicalities 38/50

There are no major issues with punctuation or grammar, minor mistakes here and there, and your vocabulary is easily understandable. Your writing style is good and the story has a great balance between descriptions and dialogue. The main issue is with the flow of the story, it's very rushed to the point that some parts make no sense, making it very hard to relate to the main character.

The story is written in the first person point of view so we get to see everything to do with Emme, but for example, when she gets hit by the car, I personally thought it was an accident. But everyone in the story assumed it was suicide, but we don't feel that there is no indication from her that she wanted to kill herself. She seemed sad but not suicidal, you could add that she would just love to be with her mom and that led to her stepping in front of that car. She is not thinking about killing herself. Sure she has a history of attempting suicide but I just found it odd how everyone assumed it wasn't an accident.

Another thing related to that scene is that it was Noah who hit her. Later he explained why he was there but he also said he rushed from there to not bump into Emme. So how did he hit her? If he left the cemetery before she arrived or around that time and she was there for a while talking with her mom. How and why he was still there? When you think of it logically he would be far gone by that time.

The story has a forgiveness theme and I like that a lot, the way Emme is struggling to forgive her father is very realistic and those parts were raw and real. Unlike the way she forgave Noah. This is the part where the story seems rushed everything to do with Noah. 

It's not realistic or relatable. She forgave him too fast and the way she introduced him to Valerie was just very poor, and the fact that Valerie didn't ask many questions. Kids at that age don't understand a lot of things, what they do is ask questions, and a lot of them.

Emme essentially let her 5-year-old daughter fly to another city with a stranger. He is her biological father but I wouldn't care who he is, I wouldn't let my child on a trip with a man who she met just a few days ago. For me, it makes no sense. And to be honest, I should relate with Emme on a lot of points, like fear of flying or being a mom and struggling with mental health, but I couldn't relate to her because her fast forgiveness to Noah kinda messed up everything.

Total 70/100

Overall: You have a good story, I like the premise of the story and your writing style is good and easily understandable. I just think you need to slow it down and make Noah work for forgiveness because now it looks like if someone said "I love you" they can get away with anything. If you slow down this part, you can build a bond between Noah and Valerie as well.