TCR Reviews [Closed]

33| The Chronicles of Annora

Requester Book_Fangirl_13

Reviewer OutOfMyImagination 

Hello and thank you for requesting the review. Your application asked to review 9 chapters, but since you unpublished the book during my review and published it again, I reviewed 4 chapters and compared them. If you have any questions comment here or dm me.

Engagement 10/20

Engagement before 5/20

Engagement now 15/20

The new version is much better because it has paragraphs, it was so hard to read when the book had no paragraphs, sometimes it was hard to tell who said what and the story felt very confusing as well.

The first chapter starts with Aletheia introducing herself and it's not really an appealing start for the book, on top of that she says she is 15 years old but the book description says she is 14.

The story has issues with logic as well. She met the prince once she said, later she say it was yesterday. It was said her father died and yet he shows up in the second chapter. In the previous version, it seemed her father was a king who died but then both her parents were mentioned. In the previous version, Aletheia was grabbed from the crowd and went to the prince and all hell broke loose, the scene made no sense and it was hard to keep up, the newer version is much better.

Concept 8/10

The concept is nothing too new, the story is about prophecy and chosen girl. What is unique about this book is the world-building.

Cover 9/10

Both covers meet the genre and connect to the story, though for me the previous cover seemed a bit better. (#2 cover in the cover options)

The book description 8/10

The book description is good, but it needs to have paragraphs. And it tells too much, it spoils a big part of the story and leaves no mystery in the story.

Technicalities 30/50

Technicalities before 25/50

Technicalities now 35/50

Your grammar, punctuation, and vocabulary are good. Though try to work on the world-building in a less telling way, try to show the world in a more natural way.

You had a major issue with paragraphs I am guessing someone already pointed it out and that is partially why you unpublished the book to fix it. The action in the newer version slowed down as well, before it made no sense and everything happened way too fast, there was no wedding and pretty much everyone accepted her as a queen which for me made no sense.

You could show more, the majority of emotions are told and it would make the story more appealing if they were shown. You have character descriptions but they are lengthy it would be better to spread them out a bit. Your dialogue is good, but action with it would be useful, not just dialogue tags and feelings of the characters, there you can include the character descriptions as well. 

There are no war parts yet which slowed down the story by a bit, it still feels very rushed. Before it was really hard to follow the story due to the lack of paragraphs and how fast the action took place.

When it comes to the description there are parts that are a bit choppy for example in the prologue Adelin is in the water, and Theon grabbed the dagger and at some point, it fell on the ground, from what we read it seems Adelin died in water as it's never shown she went out from the water. There are/were more scenes like that, try to find consistency and clearly explain the scene.

Total 65/100

Overall: I think you have a very unique world build, even names are unusual which adds to the fantasy aspect of the story. You just need to slow down a bit, since the story is very fast-paced and it makes it hard to understand your character's motivations and the world as well. Try to read other books in the genre to see how to slowly reveal your world and make it less info-dump.