Sitting in the library with a blank piece of paper, Donnan Bei lifted his pen then put down several times.As he watched people leave one after another, He wiped his face and picked up his pen again.
Dear Jaja.
How have you been? I heard from my sister that you are working in the Communism Youth League Committee, and I can't imagine what you do every day.
I remember you once said there was nothing in particular you wanted to do, but that you would never do any of the jobs badly. I feel ashamed that I am always very emotional, about people and things alike.
This current job is not very enjoyable but I have stuck with it, to survive.
By the way, I've started painting again, I don't know what that means. The last work I painted was the self-portrait I sent you, is it still there? If you don't want to keep it anymore, just tear it up and throw it away.
We are on the north and south of the continent, my world gets wet through my shirt from time to time, are the maple leaves red on your world? Please let me know if it's snowing.
Miss you so much.
North.
1992.9.29
As he passed the reception desk at work the next day, Donnan Bei handed Jie the envelope.
"You write back so soon? Your girlfriend, right?" Jie spoke to Donnan Bei in Yantai dialect, and Donnan Bei stared bewildered at her .
"There was a letter for you yesterday and I sent it to your department along with the newspaper. I paid special attention, it was from Snow City." Jie made a face and said, "Also, brother, you didn't attend homie party for several times, you don't have a new girlfriend, do you?"
"It is time to find a boyfriend for you." Donnan Bei said, "I'll treat you all as soon as I get paid, you tell them." He quickly returned to his office and found a letter in the pile of newspapers, and when he looked at the familiar font, it was from Qi Jialuo. He opened the envelope from the bottom side and pulled out the writing paper.
Dear Bei.
I haven't heard from you again for a long time, I wonder how you are doing now? But I often see news of Shenzhen on TV, so I guess it's not bad probably.
I ran into your sister and she told me about your workplace. I hesitated to write this letter for a long time because I really didn't know what I was going to say to you, it was just an inertia of many years, you were always the first person I thought of when I wanted to say something.
You've turned me into someone I don't even like, not blaming you, it's just a real feeling, and it's not really your fault entirely, so I'm in anguish deeply.
We've known each other for so long and so much has happened, you've made me start to doubt what I used to believe in, waver in what I have been strong, and abandon what I adhere to.
It's not your fault that you were surrounded by girls all the time, I was one of them. But could you tell which one you really liked? Which one do you love? Did you firmly reject the ones you didn't like and didn't love? Even if it was cruel.
I don't want your vows, and you have never promised me anything, just as I can't do either. I don't want you to remain a virgin for me, which I do better than you, but I also know it's against nature.
Every time you came without hello, you left without goodbye. When I didn't hear from you, I often assumed the worst, would you not be on earth anymore? Need I to keep waiting? How long can those fractured memories sustain me? But just when my heart was as calm as still water, you dropped a stone; and when I was full of expectation, I was dead inside instantly.
