we could be | ronance

FOUR

"i'm here standing in the same dress
you're in your apartment
i'm already gone"

-

I COULD BARELY look at nancy the next day in class. anytime i did, the scene of her kissing barb replayed in my head. i asked once again to use the restroom, and practically ran out of class.

a class that i used to love became my most hated class. i would do anything to get out of it- running attendance sheets to the office, using the restroom, asking to see the counselor. i used to love seeing nancy in there every day for an hour. now, i hated it. i always got so excited to see nancy. now, i wish she wasn't in that class.

i walked in the bathroom, sitting on the counter. i wasn't in any rush to get back to class and see nancy again. i leaned my head against the bathroom wall, closing my eyes. they stayed that way until i heard the door open.

and the person that walked in was none other than nancy wheeler herself. i looked at her, halfway debating on leaving the bathroom at that moment. i stayed, however, expecting her to go into a stall, do her business, and leave.

she did none of that though. she was frozen in place, staring me right in the eyes. i uncomfortably shifted on the bathroom counter, wishing she would leave.

"hey," she said quietly. i could barely hear it. it was almost as if it was a whisper, as soft as the wind.

"hey," i replied, trying to keep my cool. the near sight of her made me nauseous- not because she was ugly. because i knew that i could never get over her. i knew that i was always going to lover her- even if the only person she had interest in was barb.

and i couldn't blame her. i've regretted how shitty i was to her for a whole month now- the guilt consuming me like fire.

"i'm sorry for yesterday," she said, fidgeting with her necklace. she always did that when she got nervous- i knew that better than anyone. "i didn't know you were going to walk in"

i stayed silent for what seemed like hours. i just stared at her- examining her. her face looked like it seemed genuine. she didn't do that thing with her face that she always does when she's lying. maybe she was being genhine. "it's fine"

"it doesn't seem like it's fine. and i truly didn't mean-"

"you've moved on. you had every right to," she nodded in agreement. i meant every word i was. saying somewhere inside me, but the words slipping from my mouth didn't sound genuine. "we really need to talk"

again, she nodded in agreement. it somewhat pissed me off that she remained silent, but i pushed the anger down further, trying not to show it.

"how about tonight? by the lake. it's a private spot. i promise i won't try anything, i just want to clear things up. i still feel bad," i confessed. words were slipping out faster than i could process them.

i hated being vulnerable around nancy. i used to be fine with it. i used to be fine with pouring all my feelings to her. but now, it felt different. spilling all of my feelings to my ex felt wrong, especially after how messy out breakup was.

"okay. yeah, that works"

"how about at 9:00? i work late tonight"

"i'll be there"

-

i filled steve in on everything that night at work.

"so i guess i'm meeting her at the lake then. at 9:00"

"why 9:00? you get off at 7:30," he asked, clearly confused. sometimes i hated that steve knew my schedule.

"i need time to get ready, duh. think i'm going in this?" i retorted, but i knew how it sounded.

"robin...." steve said, his voice softening. i hated when he did this. i knew he was about to make some kind of comment or give a lecture. "you do know this isn't a date, right? you don't have to get all ready for her anymore"

and there it was- the dumb comment. i sighed, and i could see his face melt to guilt almost instantly.

"i didn't mean it like that...."

"i know," i replied dryly, barely able to look him in the eyes.

"best of luck," he told me, and i could tell he meant it.

-

maybe it was stupid of me to dress the way i did. i was dressed in a dress. not just any dress either- the dress we went on our first date in. i hated dresses- and that was no secret- but i felt like this occasiona called for it.

i had gotten there early- at 8:45pm to be exact. i sat on the bench, waiting for nancy. time seemed to drag by slow. after swearing it had been hours, i looked down at my watch again. 8:52pm. god, can 9:00pm just get here already?

and then it did. i excitedly waited for nancy's arrival. it felt weird watching more minutes pass by. nancy was never late for anything.

but she never showed. i gave up at 11:00pm, after waiting for over 2 hours. it was clear she was never going to show. it was silly of me to think she would.

her promises were almost always kept. but i could quickly tell that rule didn't apply to me anymore. she had moved on. she didn't care about me any longer. and it was utterly stupid for me to expect her presence tonight.

i sat in my car for a couple minutes, soaking up more silence. i pushed my emotions- a mix of sadness and anger- down, and started my drive home.

i know now that nancy wheeler could never and would never care sboht me ever again.

-

a/n: fighting to keep my eyes open lol also if u can't tell, this will be a veryyy big slowburn fic.