Sun, Moon, and Stars: A Varian X OC Story

16. If I Could Tell Her

The song above is "If I Could Tell Her" from Dear Evan Hansen. I changed some of the lyrics to fit the characters. I hope you enjoy!

Varian was having a rough time deciphering the poem that was recited in Emma's dream. It just didn't make any sense and it stressed Varian out. He cared about Emma and hated to see her in distress. She almost never got as paranoid as she had did before Varian had asked her to sleep and it made him worry.

Recently, Varian had been experiencing signs of PTSD. He would have nightmares and flashbacks, and they would get him emotional. He never told Emma in fear that she would never act the same around him as she did before. Emma was the only person he could really trust and he didn't want to lose that.

"Jude..."

Varian turned his head around and saw Emma muttering in her sleep, moving ever so slightly. She appeared to be in pain mentally and she broke out in a cold sweat. Varian got up from his work and sat down beside Emma, stroking her hair gently.

"J-Jude, I'm sorry..."

Varian's heart began to break at the sight of Emma slowly beginning to become more emotionally broken by the minute. However, he remained to allow Emma to sleep, knowing that she needed to rest.

Suddenly, a loud gasp broke from Emma's lips and she sat up, panting heavily. When her milky brown eyes fell on Varian, she embraced him into a tight and fearful hug.

"What happened?" Varian asked cautiously.

"I had the same dream again, but, this time, Jude was mad at me," Emma began slowly.

"About what happened?" Varian inquired.

Emma nodded. "He said that he would never forgive me for running out into the street and that he hates me."

Tears trickled down the sides of her face. Varian heart ached.

"Jude doesn't hate you, Emma," Varian promised. "His death was just an accident and all he wanted to do was to protect you."

"Really?" Emma sniffled.

"He thought you were awesome," Varian reassured.

"He thought I was awesome? My brother?" Emma scoffed.

"Definitely!"

"How?"

"Well... he said, there's nothing like your smile. Sort of subtle and perfect and real," Varian sang. "He said, you never knew how wonderful that smile could make someone feel."

Emma smiled with an embarrassed expression on her face. Varian could tell that she was flattered.

"And he knew whenever you get bored, you scribble stars on the hems of your skirt."

Varian chuckled.

"And he noticed that you still fill out the puzzles that they put in those teen newspapers."

Emma blushed but continued to wear a soft smile that made Varian's heart pound like crazy inside his chest.

"But he kept it all inside his head. What he saw, he left unsaid."

Varian rubbed the back of his neck self-consciously.

"And though he wanted to, he couldn't ever talk to you. He couldn't find a way. But he would always say..."

Varian gulped before looking at Emma directly in the eyes.

"If I could tell her, tell her everything I see. If I could tell her how she's everything to me, but we're a million worlds apart. And I don't know how I would even start. If I could tell her... If I could tell her."

"Did he say anything else?" Emma pressed.

"A-about you?" Varian blinked.

"Nevermind, I don't really care anyway-"

"No, no, n-no, no, he just said so many things! I'm just, I'm trying to remember the best ones, so, um..."

Varian took a deep breath, then continued.

"He thought you looked really pretty-- er, um-- it looked pretty cool when you put itty bitty flowers in your hair."

"He did?" Emma and Varian started laughing softly.

"And he wondered how you learned to dance like all the rest of the world isn't there. But he kept it all inside his head. What he saw, he left unsaid. If I could tell her, tell her everything I see. If I could tell her how she's everything to me."

"But we're a million worlds apart," Emma and Varian sang.

"And I don't know how I would even start. If I could tell her..."

Varian suddenly received an extra jolt of confidence and held Emma's face in his hand.

"If I could tell her! But what do you do when there's this great divide?"

Emma sang softly, looking at the ground with a slight frown on her face, "He just seemed so far away..."

"And what do you do when the distance is too wide?"

"It's like I don't know anything."

"And how do you say, I love you... I love you... I love you... I love you..."

Emma looked at Varian longingly.

"But we're a million worlds apart," Varian sang softly. "And I don't know how I would even start. If I could tell her... If I could..."

Varian and Emma leaned towards each other closer and closer until a loud voice could be heard from the other room, startling the two.

"Varian! Your raccoon got into the apples again!" Quirin called.

"C-coming, Dad!" Varian replied. Without speaking a word to Emma, he fled from the lab and rushed to the kitchen.

Ruddiger had indeed rummaged through Quirin and Varian's apple supply.

"Ruddiger, what have I told you? Those apples aren't for you," Varian scolded. Ruddiger gave a sad chirp before jumping off the counter.

"Thank you, Varian," Quirin said. "Please keep him out of the kitchen."

"Ok, Dad," Varian nodded. He scooped up Ruddiger and carried him back to the lab, where Emma fiddled with her fingers and her face looked flushed.

"Are you ok?"

Emma jumped at the sound of Varian's voice. "Y-yeah, I'm fine."

Varian smiled, but he was arguing with himself inside his head.

What just happened??

Word Count: 980

I hope you guys enjoyed this chapter!