I HAVE NOTHING LEFT FOR YOU

PART ONE ( first cut )

𝘾𝙃𝘼𝙋𝙏𝙀𝙍 12

" good boys gone bad " - Song
number 3

1.Sally

There was one thing missing when i got in , the air felt like like a kiss on my cheeks and he stood like the man I've always dreamt of having , I know that I'm despersate and lonely and drunk on cheap merlot but damn I've been thinking about him since the day he left me like a fool yearning for his tongue wandering inside my mouth and my lips devouring his and I want to know why and what is it in me that scared him so much ?
I used to be a magnet , now a storm and I cannot only push .
Pull me close ,I said in my head like I've just written a poem out of those three words .

The drummer , Steve , in Alex's band contacted me and arranged a meeting for this day , Friday after Eric's performance we'd all go out and have a dinner and a little chat about our future since Eric himself is assigned to co-write with Alex for the album .

I came early .
With so much in my chest and so little I can tell .
I've never had a crush on someone before .
Not this desperate.
Despite my last relasionship that til this day still confuses me, this strange human being - , I can feel it , I can feel the way i'll fall for his potential in my head and it will be cruel.
Murderous.

His poem structured a feeling inside of me , I could not figure out at first but it reminds me of the nights I spent crying- struggling not to say that the person that I used to love , drifted in seas I'd never dare to swim in .
I love you I love you I love you gets boring when you say it twelve times a day .
His mouth moved in ways that let me detect every word he said and at those moments of analysing each word pronounced it was like I can hear the growl of the ocean , my skin soft in the water , I can it's distant murmur , I can feel his weight closing up on me and all I say I you , you the one I love , don't leave me , let me go first , let my daddy issues rule , let me surrender , don't command , don't make it hurtful.

The lights were red and everybody's minding their own business and for a while I felt unseen but free once he finished his poem and stepped to the crowd like a cult leader and i was ready to join and commit .
" You're here " he said with a kiss on my cheeks .
He looked more confident than last Friday .
" I'm here for work"
" I've been thinking about you " he said with his eyes looking at my face , I wondered if my eyes were watering when he said that .
I know I cry a lot .
I'm a cancer.
The zodiac sign but I often feel like I'm that cancerous kind of person , spreading .
" what's your favourite colour " I asked grabbing my purse to my elbow .
" the colour of your eyes " he said and I froze.
Blue .
" you ?"
" Grey ? "
" You sound unsure , are you sure ?"
The drunk vibrations of lost souls overwhelmed my ears but our conversation floated above .
Above every noise , and somehow , his voice was the only thing i could hear.
" not really grey - but that sort of white colour but not so white, right before the sun rises there's a moment where the sky is pale , kind of dead and I really like it "
" how so ?"
" it reminds me of endings and beggings "
" I wish I could see death the way you do "
" blue , death is blue but it makes me feel grey "
" i like they way you think "
I like you .

2.Eric

Last Friday i was sobbing quitely into my second pillow .
I sleep with a lot of pillows in my bed , they bring comfort . Company .
The nighttime shadows lived in my walls and sometimes they crawl into my bed and I don't see monsters , I see me .
Deranged .
I was pronouncing the same words over and over again like it could save the world .my world.
I forgive you I forgive you i forgive you .
And little did i know those words were shot at me .
I was trying to chew my way around the words as though they were choking me in my sleep , I put my arms around one of the pillows and i vomited.
Then my body relaxed .
And I joined my window seat and wrote a poem with the smell of mac and cheese and burnt tabacoo.