Waves

Part 3

There are moments in everyone's life where one finds themself contemplating some crazy, alternative reality so detached from their current one that they shake their head and laugh them off; the possibility too outlandish, too foreign to be based in reality. Maybe they picture themselves leaving their job and moving to Alaska to live in their car. Maybe they imagine what it would be like to pull a fire alarm in a movie theater just to see what would happen. No matter the circumstance, it's always so malignant that they'd never, ever consider doing it.

The weeks and months after the trip to Lanai, had Eve been asked about it before, would be one of those situations; too insane to ever become a possibility. However, it became apparent once Eve and Joe arrived back in Cincinnati that the fracture of the fight was too burdensome to repair together. The two of them tried to get back to normal to no avail, and three weeks later, Eve ripped the Bandaid off and the couple mutually agreed to part ways.

Thought they had both experienced other breakups, nothing had prepared the two of them for the absolute pit of despair they plunged into. Joe insisted on helping Eve pack and move into the tiny new apartment that she'd rented, and the two of them sat sobbing on the floor for hours before Eve gently pushed him out the door with a hushed promise to check in on him later that week.

Like all friendly exes, the daily texts turned into weekly ones, and the hour long phone calls eventually faded to black. As painful as cutting each other off was, it was necessary in order for both of them to acclimate to the new normal they both faced. They were no longer an "us"; the once unbreakable team was two free agents navigating a brave new world. The first time Eve had to make the bed by herself she almost broke down in tears, missing Joe's long arms and his ability to put on a fitted sheet in seconds. Joe's first game of the season, he forgot his socks and athletic tape; having to borrow some at the last minute due to packing his bag on his own for the first time in five years.

It took months but eventually they both started dating casually, the unfortunate side effect of having a tight mutual friend group meant both of them found out from other people. Joe almost threw up the day he saw Eve tagged in a group photo with her new "friend", his hand on her waist, replacing where Joe had his for years. Eve also made the mistake of reading a sports gossip page one day and stumbling across a photo of Joe and a girl; his jaw locked as she stared at him adoringly.

Over time though, the sharp pain dulled, the tears came less frequently, and the two of them settled into a new life without each other. Unbeknownst to either party, they each sought out counseling to unpack and heal after the breakup; it was important to Eve that she worked through the mourning of the relationship, and for Joe, his regret over not being able to settle down felt like an albatross around his neck he couldn't cut lose.

"If the Joe I see in front of me now could go back and talk to the Joe in that hotel room, what would he say?" Joe's therapist asked as he scribbled on his notepad. Joe mashed his lips together and stared at his hands, trying to come up with the words to express the feelings he'd been battling for the past 8 months.

"I would tell him that your fear of the unknown is going to destroy the best thing that has ever happened to you. That in a few months, once the clouds had cleared, you'd fully realize what you had, and that no amount of dating or hooking up would ever satisfy that ache. And I'd tell myself that a reality without Eve makes everything else, the career, the money, the health, all seem unimportant," Joe sighed as he closed his eyes; tears pricking the corners of his eyes.

"Have you thought about telling her that? I mean, when you two ended things, did a door get left open to possibly reconcile at some point?" Joe thought back to the night it ended and felt his chest close in, the memory still worse than any experience he'd ever had. "We did, kinda. We agreed that we had a lot of work to do and trying to do it together in the moment didn't feel feasible. That neither of us wanted to ever say never, but that it was unfair to block each other from moving on. But the love was still there. The love is still there," Joe's therapist stopped writing when Joe finished speaking and looked up. "Joe, are you telling me that you're still in love with Eve?"