𝐥𝐨𝐯𝐞𝐫 | 𝐜𝐨𝐧𝐫𝐚𝐝 𝐟𝐢𝐬𝐡𝐞𝐫

I

i sat in the backseat besides laurel whilst steven made the annual trip to cousins. Belly sat in the front as we sang together. i stop to laugh at the pained face that steven makes in response to her singing her heart out. he glares at me over his shoulder and gives a pleading look.

"addy, please get our rambunctious sister to stop that god awful noise" he cries out.

i laugh again and shake my head no when Laurel interrupts;

"Steven eyes on the road. And remember, i want you guys to help susannah around the beach house this summer- yes steven, even if she does pay other people to help out."

he groans. "i wasnt even going to say that mom! any other rules you want to project onto us?" he rolls his eyes, sarcasm dripping from his voice.

laurel ignores his attitude and replies. "steven your curfew is 11, i expect to you to follow it."

"what about me and addy?" belly asks, in which steven guffaws.

"what do you need a curfew for? Belly you never leave the house! right addy?" he laughs at his own joke again, willing me to participate in the teasing. in all honesty, i rarely leave the house either- in fact much less than belly does. however, im rarely the subject of stevens jokes. i think its because despite the small age gap, he was the only sibling old enough to truly understand what i had endured before i was adopted, and in turn has always taken it easy on me. perhaps laurel had something to do with it, but ive never been sure.

"we can discuss a curfew for you two when we need to" laurel replies to her, ignoring her sons behaviour once again.

i nod in response, then drown out the rest of the conversation. i think about last year in cousins and how much conrad had grown since the previous years. i can remember how beautiful he had looked; his newly matured feautures that had still retained his youthful glow. despite it all, it was his inside that was the prettiest. conrad was kind and caring and loving. when we spent time together it was like i could feel his soul, and he could feel mine, and we were connected in that way. i felt as if his baby blue eyes could heal all of my broken parts.

God knows i had a lot of those.

but no matter what, i could never fall for him. conrad belonged to belly and belly to conrad. i could never act on whatever strange force allured me to him, especially when i had to listen to  her gush about him in her fantasies. i could never do that to her. or steven. how would he feel about his sister and his besfriend? it was selfish to even think the thoughts i did about him, after the way they had cared for me and loved me into a home i could consider a family.

i think again about belly and back to our conversation with her best friend, taylor, prior to the journey. they believe that this summer will be different for the both of us. yes, weve grown since our last summer, but i havent changed. ok, i have like, boobs now and undergone all the other physical changes that come with being a teenage girl, but I still feel the same. I'm still the same anxious, introverted teen that I was last year, and all the other years prior to that.

However, the more I ponder, maybe I do want change. The change in which Conrad fisher experienced last summer. The one that magnetised me towards him. Would it be a bad thing if he saw me in the light that I saw him?

Yes it would.