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Just A Fan | Jim x Reader (songfic)

Please understand, I'm just a fan..

And god it sounds bad when I put it like that,,

You weren't the savior type. Don't take it as such.

And you wanted to say that you'd help anyone in his place but that'd be a lie. Maybe it was the fact his show did so much for you, you felt you should do the same. You couldn't allow him to rot away. You'd say you were just a fan, though that sounded bad too. Like you only saw him as this untouchable actor, and not as a person.

Reach in my chest and do your best

To locate a heart in this pitiful mess

The washed-up actor stood before you. Well,, you stood before him, you supposed. Jim Starling had completely disappeared off the map. No one had seen or heard from him since the incident. Though, being completely honest, it seemed like no one cared either. The only mention you could find of it was on some internet forums by a few individuals.

I'm just a lonely soul

Everybody knows when you suck it shows

"What happened to you?", you finally asked. The tension was thick and hard to swallow. "You were on the top and one day you just?? Disappeared? The show ended abruptly and there wasn't any explanation given. You had just vanished off the face of the earth." You looked at the man desperately searching for answers. Of course you knew the show within itself wasn't the best. It wasn't the patron saint of children's TV but hell.. There was a certain charm to it that always kept you coming back for more. You supposed not everyone had your same opinion..

And that's just how it goes..

But Jim didn't say anything. The silence was uncomfortably loud and you shifted back and forth on each leg; still with a tight grip on the bag of leftovers you brought. You almost wished you hadn't said anything, but avoiding the problem won't do anything to solve it. You knew that all too well.. He let out a heavy sigh and looked at you. You waited for him to tell you off, to tell you to leave, but it never came.

But I'm lucky to be here

Cause I know it's good

That we fit just like we should

The air was filled with some sort of grief. You could't quite place what it was. You let out your own sigh and looked at the man; eyes filled with solace. His eyes were on the ground. It was okay, you didn't mind. You gently walked over to his jagged, yet almost defeated form, and placed a hand on his shoulder with the same tenderness as before. He was taken aback. He figured you would've left like everyone else. Not that he cared or anything..

At least that's what he though. Truth be told, deep down he needed someone to stay. He needed someone to lean on. Like the devil, no one had the common decency to pray for the one sinner that needed it most. That's what made you a saint. To him, you were what Mother Teresa wished she was.

I guess that I'm the suffering kind.

Jim's breathing hitched.

Scaring away anyone who might find

One rotten piece, not often seen

Locked in a van and unable to scream

Jim yanked his shoulder back in a characteristically harsh manner. As if he remembered who he was. Or better yet, how he was "supposed" to be.

"What're you gettin' out of this?" Jim's voice was low and weak. It sounded like he was struggling to keep it from breaking, likely from lack of use. Jim's voice and your heart were the same in a way; cracking. The divergence lies in the fact that you use your heart.

"I-I don't understand?"

Jim scoffed, "Yeah yeah. You're just using me. Gettin' internet famous for saving the Jim Starling. Getting the spotlight, all the praise. Well guess what, pal? I DON'T NEED SAVIN'!"

Your heart dropped and you fought the tears swelling up behind your eyes. The grip on the food you brought tightened. You couldn't muster up a response. You tossed the leftovers so that it landed on the ground before his feet then left. You refused to let him see you cry.

My love is not a joke

"That's what you get for wearing your heart on your sleeve," you murmured under your breath. The bus bounced and you hugged your backpack while scornfully looking out the window with your tear-rimmed eyes.

Everybody knows when you suck it shows

And that's just how it goes

An elderly woman sat down in the seat next to you holding groceries. You huddled closer to the window and tried to minimize the space you took up. The woman started speaking though it didn't seem directed towards you. "Don't ever stop being kind because of mean people."

Her words were comforting, even if they weren't meant for you.

In the following days you visited Jim frequently, dropping off leftovers and trying to make him feel wanted. You tried not to let his hotheadedness get to you.

You were forever glad that you weren't faced with that again. The trips were fairly peaceful and dare you say welcoming.

But I'm lucky to be here

Maybe Jim thought it over, perhaps had a change of heart. But you couldn't be for sure, and heaven forbid Jim admit to that sort of thing.

Cause I know it's good that we fit just like we should

You didn't mind though. Actions speak louder than words and if you hadn't been thrown out yet, then that was good enough.

.

.

.

[ Nothing much has come from simple guys like me ]

[ And I'm not the type who likes to brag ]

[ But if the world were to separate you from me ]

[ I'd miss you eternally <3 ]

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(A/N): Endings in comment attached to respective heart; if you do leave a comment it'd be best to leave it as a response to mine so it doesn't get drowned out! 

Endings are just lil descriptions nothing fancy I'm already pushing a thousand words.