Deranged Love - Hanma Shuji

Chapter 19

It's funny how sleep is just a few steps away from death. How much we depend on it, and yet how much it can fuck us up. Get too little of it and your body shuts down, get too much of it and your body shuts down—although that's when you're in a coma. One would think if the body so desperately needs sleep, it'd do its best to get it, and yet here I was, awakened in the middle of the night from my heart beating too fast. I could not remember what I was dreaming of that made my heart pound so hard, all I knew was that I woke up in cold sweats and I did not feel like going back to sleep at all. My mind, as useless as it was, made me understand by sending shivers down my spine that I wasn't in the right state, but I did not know the reason.

Sighing sleepily, I stirred and sat up slowly, a silent gasp of surprise escaping my lips when something hit my lap. I was fast to remember I had gone to sleep in Hanma's bed, with Hanma, his arm wrapped around me. "Shit." I breathed out, blinking awake as my eyes focused on his hand. I gently lifted it from my lap as I slid to the side of the bed, putting his hand back on the mattress when I was no longer under it. In all honesty, I hadn't realized how tired my legs were until I placed my feet on the ground and it all seemed too heavy, almost impossible to move.

Luckily for me, I did not have the chance to stand up before a strong arm wrapped itself around my shoulders and chest, bringing me backward and scaring me in the process. I clasped my hand on his forearm, scooting back so I was now resting against his chest. "You're not leaving." He whispered with his lips against my neck. His arm tightened around my form as he wrapped his other arm around me, "Where are you going? You don't get to leave me, not after tonight." His tired tone still managed to be coated with possessiveness as he slowly dug his teeth in the juncture of my neck and shoulder. I groaned at the pain, but brought my hand to the back of his head, bringing him closer. When it started to hurt more than it brought pleasure, I moaned out his name, my fingers threading through his hair but never pulling him back, "Shuji—fuck, Shuji it hurts." He stopped, only to speak after running his tongue over the bite. The action was not meant to be sultry in any way but the warmth of his body against mine, the closeness... I couldn't help but feel excited. His slurred words reached my ears again, "That's what you want, right? I'm the only one who can give you what you want."

I had never heard him like that, I didn't even know if he was aware of how he sounded. Letting go of his hair, I tried to pry his arms away but he held tight, so I sighed, "I just need to go to the bathroom."

Hanma hummed in response but did not let go. Instead, he pulled at the collar of my shirt and started leaving small bites on the back of my neck, in places I could not reach or see. Since he was not in the mood to listen nor in any shape to do much, I quickly lifted his arms and slipped out of his hold, almost tripping out of the bed. I was fast to catch my fall with my hands when I fell forward from the pins and needles in my legs. "I'll be right back, I just need to pee." So with heavy feet, I stepped out of the bedroom at a slow pace and only lit the light above the sink's mirror to use the toilet. Once I was done, I was now standing in front of a light too bright, considering what a somber night I had spent. With tired blinks, my eyes got used to the light and I could see myself.

Even if my face looked less dull than earlier tonight, I still looked like shit. With a half-smile, I leaned over the sink and splashed some water on my face, letting my wet hands slide to my neck and shoulders. It was hard to forget all that'd happened tonight with those reminders adorning my shoulders and back—as I let my hands unbutton my shirt, I shrugged it off my arms and turned around to look over my shoulders at my reflection. Looking at the marks Hanma had left, I caught myself smiling fondly while rubbing my hand on the bite he had left. Is this the right way to handle the situation? I pondered as I put my shirt back on and turned off the light. I wanted to believe myself when thinking it was not the proper way to deal with this, but it felt too good to describe it as wrong.