Deranged Love - Hanma Shuji

Chapter 22

Getting home didn't take long at all, and passing out once we had reached the bed didn't either. What had happened at the hospital, while it dug me further in that dreadful lifestyle, helped me get past this odd, sickening feeling that had been building up inside me and had been making me feel like dying. I wasn't sure it had completely changed my mindset, but I was now more than determined to convince myself to get over those burdening feelings. Because with them, I wouldn't get far. I wouldn't survive.

And I needed to survive, if I wanted to stay by his side.

Time went by so fast after that, that Monday arrived and I now found myself standing in front of my workplace. I didn't know how I got there, but now that I was back to reality, I blinked a few times and gripped the handle of my bag tight. "Maybe relax, you look so tense! Haven't talked the entire trip here, come on babe," I heard Hanma's voice behind me move to my left as he tucked a strand of hair behind my ear, "Give us a big smile."

For a second I was startled by him, then I remembered how we got here and relaxed as he suggested. "Right. I didn't do shit, I'm just an accountant—and you got a meeting or something, right?" I asked with a confident smile while stepping away from him and nodding his way to not bring too much attention to us. "Good luck." I told Hanma as he stood there with his briefcase in hand and a stupid smirk on his lips. He was still looking at me when I turned around to glance at him as I entered the building. Knowing he was ogling made me feel all warm inside but that feeling rapidly disappeared once I saw Rai sitting in the main hall with a few people from the police department. I tried to walk past them and not draw attention, but her head lifted from her hands and when she met my eyes, she waved me over.

She wasn't just sad, that I knew from the tears running down her face—no, she was also angry, if not frightened. Angry at me, frightened by what was happening. With a confused smile, I walked up to them and nodded at everyone, "Hello, did—did something happen?" I made sure to seem hesitant, to not let them know I already knew what this was about. If it wasn't about Kei, it was about Shuusuke and Rai did not seem ruined enough for it to be Kei, so I assumed the latter.

"Perhaps you should sit down." A policewoman helped me on one of the sofas and I heard Rai scoff through the tears; she knew I didn't care and I applauded her metaphorically for not letting herself be fooled—although acting annoyed now might bring the spotlight more on her than me. It was her funeral, not mine. Holding onto the woman's arm, I sat down and chuckled nervously, "You're scaring me..." "We've been told you were close to Hansuke Shuusuke, one of our officers. Would you please tell us about your relationship with him?" She asked sweetly, now running her hand on my back to comfort me. I sighed in reassurance only for a moment.

Another nervous breath escaped my lips as I met her eyes, "We met here, then we—we had a date at the club, then he disappeared even though we got along, but I–" Fake-struggling to breathe, I gripped her arm tight and looked at the ground to 'calm myself'. Once more Rai shook her head, I could see it from the corner of my eyes, but I wasn't fazed by her actions. If anything, it made this more fun, even if I felt sick using these half-truths to my advantage. "Later, I learned through some of his friends that he was at the hospital. I only recently got a call telling me he was feeling better... Rai's boyfriend, I forgot his name. I'm sorry, he—he called me... I think Friday? Maybe Saturday? I don't know, he told us—me, he told me I was going to be able to visit Shuusuke soon." I'd slipped up. I could still say I was with Shiho if she asked who was 'us'. I could still say I was at a friend's house when I saw the call and was fearful of it being a stranger, so I put it on speaker.

It wasn't like Kei would speak against me. If he had one thing going for himself, it was that he took things rather... literally. Our little secret was indeed taken to the grave. I couldn't thank him enough for that. "I see..." The woman whose tag read 'Himiko' went silent for a moment. "We received a call this morning from the hospital where officer Hansuke was staying—he passed away in his sleep during the night."