more than friends [JohnnyBoy]

Like an angel from heaven [Chapter 7]

Johnny's POV:

No fucking way, Pony just kissed my forehead? 

No, not like that.

No, he didn't mean it in a loving way. He meant it as a friendly kiss. He was straight and I wasn't, that was the difference. 

I sat up and leaned against the back board of the bed. The wood slightly pained my neck. Pony shifted around so he was sitting in my lap. He stared into my dark eyes and I felt anxious. My eyes were darting around the room, just not at him. I started picking my nails with my fingers, pain stung my hand as I did. I swear I could feel the blood bubbling up from the skin on my cuticles. My face burnt up and I could feel myself blushing. Blood boiled under my skin. 

Why did I have to be such a nervous person?

The silence was uncomfortable and awkward to me. I hated every second of it. I wanted to just disappear and never remember this. I could feel his eyes on me, staring at me. I guess he could tell I was somewhat scared. 

"Don't worry 'bout it." Pony sighed as he pulled me back down so he was laying on top of me again. My back touching the soft bed sheets was the best feeling ever. I felt even more tense but another part of me felt relived. Relived that I wasn't in that uncomfortable situation from before. 

I felt his weight distribute on top of my frail body. His legs basically hugging the sides of my torso. His arms were wrapped around my torso too. His soft face was resting on my shoulder in a relaxed way. Pony's body shared the warmth with mine like a connection. 

Cuddling with your crush, sounds like heaven right? I couldn't cherish this moment though. Pony was always the touchy type. He loved cuddles whether it was from me, Soda, Darry or really anyone else from the gang. This was just like any other time where he cuddled with one of us. 

His intentions weren't to be more than friends. 

I had to stay strong and accept the reality in my life. It was hard to stay strong when you already have a fucked up life but I couldn't be weak. Self pity was the worst feeling ever. I always felt like I was drowning in it. It seemed like I couldn't escape it, it was a bad feeling when you know you are selfish. I killed a Soc, I nearly died from the fire incident and my parents despise me everyday. 

Pretty fucked up if you ask me.

I was too caught up in my own thoughts my mind had gone into it's own world. Pony was already asleep and I wasn't. I must've been thinking for a while by now. Oh how fast time goes by.

I stroked Pony's hair one last time before trying to go to sleep myself. I couldn't though, I couldn't sleep. Not with this many thoughts in my head at once. I just laid there awake but I didn't feel like I was there. I was stuck in my thoughts suffering in silence. Suffering in my own thoughts. Having flashbacks to the times my parents beat me, the murder, the church, all the traumatic times in my life. I guess I haven't noticed all the times I could've died in my life. How many times my luck betrayed me and left me in the dust. 

I felt tears pooling up in my scared eyes. My eyes felt glossy and the tears in my eyes were fragile like china dolls. I tried not to blink to prevent them from spilling. I blinked in pain. 

Shit.

Tears trickled down my face and I felt them go down my neck. My shoulders shifted around at the unpleasant feeling of salty tears tickling my neck. Pony shuffled in my embrace and woke up. My hands bolted up and wiped the tears from my face. Reflex I guess. It left a moist feeling to my skin but it wasn't noticeable. 

"W-Were you crying?" Questioned a puzzled boy laying on top of me. I fucked up again. I felt selfish for fucks sake, he just got sexually assaulted and I'm crying? Bitch move if you ask me. 

"No I wasn't, I was just tired. Y'know when your t-tired and your eyes um... water a bit? Yeah, yeah that's W-What happened." I lied to his face. Shit, it was the only thing I could think of. I sounded guilty too, great. That's why you don't ask me to lie because I'm shitty liar!

"Oh, okay. Just saying it's okay to cry sometimes. Just wanna make sure you don't bottle it up." Pony reassured and brushed his thumb over my lips. He then started to fall asleep once again. He was so sweet all the time. 

He was an angel from heaven 

Lmao sorry for the slightly short chapter. I feel like a lazy bitch but deal with it 🙄☝️

Homo meter is far beyond 1 million 📈

Gonna update soon I guess, see you in a few days 😘