"Oh, I was just about to ask if I could talk to you about something," Bucky said nervously.
"Sure, Mr. Barnes," Peter said before walking in front of Bucky to open his bedroom door. Peter walked in and motioned for Bucky to follow. Peter's room was fully set up, a twin sized mattress, a TV, a couch, a dresser, everything someone could need, including a mini fridge and microwave.
"Come, take a seat," Peter said while Bucky took in the sight of the room. There were childish posters on the wall and Lego figures on the dressers. Bucky sat down on the couch, looking only a little uncomfortable.
"Wanna soda or juice?" Peter asked kindly, trying to make Bucky feel comfortable.
"Sure," Bucky says slowly getting more relaxed. Peter threw him a Capri-Sun. Bucky caught it and smiled at the children's drink.
"So, what'd you wanna talk about?" Pete asked. Bucky sighed as he took a quick drink of his juice.
"I've been thinking about a lot recently," Bucky said.
"Like what?" Peter asked.
"Like how much the Winter Soldier changed me, and how I'm different than I used to be," Bucky said.
"Different how?" Peter asked
"I'm no longer the Bucky Barnes Steve remembers, but I keep thinking to myself if I fake it enough I'll be that guy again, but I can't and won't ever be him again." Bucky admitted.
"And? What's so bad about that?" Peter replied.
"Steve still thinks I'm that same Bucky Barnes, and I can't find the words to explain to him that I'm not." He told him.
"What do you want to change about yourself to fit the new you?" Peter asked. Bucky furrowed his eyebrows.
"What do you mean?" He asked.
"Well, from what you just told me, you are still pretending to be that Bucky Barnes, What do you need or want to change about yourself to fit the new you." Peter said expertly. Bucky thought in silence for a minute before coming up with an answer.
"I don't wanna be called Bucky anymore," He answered
"What do you wanna be called?" Peter asked.
"James," James admitted.
"What else do you wanna change?" Peter questioned.
"Other than my arm, nothing off the top of my head," James told him after thinking for a moment.
"What about your arm do you wanna change?"
"I don't want the Silver with a Red Star, It's just a frequent reminder of Hydra and everything they did to me," James admitted sadly.
"What does it remind you of the most?" Peter asked the man.
"When they first took it off, I wasn't fully knocked out, I felt every little cut they did, I felt them hard wiring it into my bones," James said shaking a little. Peter placed a comforting hand of James's shoulder.
"What did you think while they were taking it off?" Peter asked.
"I thought about my mom and sister, and how'd I'd never see them or Steve again." James admitted.
"What else?"
"I thought of what would happen if I did survive, what were they gonna do to me, I can still feel it sometimes,"
"The pain or your arm?"
"Both."
"Do you know what Phantom Pains are?" Peter asked. James looked up at him confused. He shook his head no.
"Phantom Pains is pain that comes from a part of the body that is no longer there, this could mean the pain that you felt when you're arm was cut off, or the pain you would've felt if you still had your arm." Peter explained
"What do you mean by the pain I would've felt?"
"Like say you lost a leg, and you were walking and if you had a leg you would've stubbed your toe, do you understand what I'm saying so far," Peter checked. James nodded.
"In some cases the person could possibly feel like they stubbed that toe that wasn't there." Peter explained.
"So like if I would've been slapped on the arm, that I didn't have, I could possibly still feel it?" James asked.
"Yes, Phantom Pain is pretty common, and I'm pretty sure that's the pain you are feeling when you said you can still feel them cutting off your arm," Peter explained.
"Is there anyway to fix it?" James asked hopefully.
"There's medications you can take and there's certain therapy things that are said to work," Peter told him.
"Why are you telling me this?" James asked.
"Because, you were under the impression that the pain was a figure of your imagination or that is was all in your head, I wanted to explain to you that it's not, so you should tell someone when It hurting so you can get some painkillers that will relieve the hurt," Peter said.
"So some pain killers is all I need so that I don't have to feel it?"
"They might not take away all the pain but they can make it tolerable," Peter told him.
Bucky let out a breath of relief, before finishing up his juice box, and throwing it in a Star Wars themed trashcan.
"Thank you so much, Agent Parker, you really helped me," James said before standing up to leave.
"Anytime, Mr. Barnes," Peter responded.
"Please, call me James," James said before walking out.
"Okay then James," Peter said before realizing he forgot to talk to James about what kind of new arm he wanted. Peter shrugged, this gave him an opportunity to surprise him with it as a gift.
Peter checked the time and realized that he still had time to visit with Bruce in the lab, he quickly hurried down to the person lab of the one and only Dr. Bruce Banner.
Phantom Pains are actually a real thing. And they are very interesting to learn about, at least to me. Everything I said about them is fact checked and true.
