Night Shifts | Billie Eilish

Chapter Eleven

CW: Suicide + Attempted murder + Eating disorders

SICKLY SWEET

I walked quickly up to the front desk in triage, seeing someone I luckily hadn't met before, as we worked on different wards. "Hi, how can I help you?" she asked. "Hi, uhm, I'd like to go visit Billie O'Connell," I said. "Sorry, only family can visit," she replied, getting up from her seat to go do something more important.

Shit.

"Wait, wait! But I am! Billie's my girlfriend, I need to see her," I said, going after her. The nurse turned around with a sigh. "Fine, just wait there and I'll go see if she's awake," she replied. "Thank you so much," I let out a breath of relief and went to sit down in the waiting area.

My leg bounced up and down anxiously as I waited for the nurse to come back. As soon as she came around the corner, I jumped up. "She's still out, come back later," the nurse said with a shrug as she sat behind the desk.

"Please, just let me see her. I'll do anything. Her family aren't coming, they don't care, but I do. I just wanna see her, please?" I begged. The nurse sighed again. "Fine. Do you know what room?"

"Yes, thank you so much, oh my god," I exhaled loudly, turning to the hallway and setting off toward Billie's room. As I approached the room, I played with my hands nervously, digging my knuckles into the palm of the other. I took a deep breath and pushed open the door.

Billie was off the intubation and breathing on her own with the help of a nasal cannula sending added oxygen into her airways. I shut the door behind me and walked over to her. She had marks on her neck and face. I gently reached out and grazed my finger over the bruises, earning a little flinch from the sleeping girl.

I pulled my hand back and sat down by her bed.

Did she try to hang herself? Did someone strangle her?

I'm not going to try and say I knew Billie enough to know she wouldn't hang herself, but I don't think she did. The marks weren't all the way around her neck, just on the sides, and there appeared to be more than one, which, in the suicide by hanging cases I've seen, is very unusual and unlikely.

It's no surprise the police suggested foul play, but it's understandable for them to assume someone covered in self-harm scars with bruises on their neck would have attempted suicide by hanging.

My thoughts got cut off by the slightest noise of movement, so I quickly stood up and rushed to Billie's side. Her eyelids fluttered open, and the second she caught sight of me, she started to tear up. "Oh no, sweetheart, don't cry. I'm here, I'm here," I quickly bent down and hugged her as best I could.

"Dad... Dad..." she whispered repeatedly. "Do you want him?" I asked, pulling back. She began to shake her head as fast as she could. "Bad," she started to cry again. "Shh, shh, he can't get you in here. I've got you. It's okay, I'm here now," I said, calming her down.

She must have regressed being so stressed about her dad. I checked her oxygen levels before removing the cannula from her face. "So scared..." she whimpered, pulling me closer to her. "I'm sorry I couldn't be there for you. I'm so sorry," I apologized, now starting to tear up again.

Billie's cries were raspy and so very pitiful for me to hear. To think no one was going to come see her if I wasn't around makes me feel sick to my stomach.

"Hurts... Mommy, hurts," she whined, putting her hands to her neck. My breath hitched in my throat right before I went to speak, realizing what she just said. "I know, I know," I said empathetically, taking her hands and pulling them away from the bruises.

Then, Billie started to cough, but she looked too panicked for a normal cough, which made me think she was choking. I quickly sat her up as she put her hands beneath her mouth to catch what she was about to spit out.

Blood.

"Fuck!" I yelled and pressed the help button behind her bed. I rushed out to the hallway as Billie's heart rate climbed, making the machines beep. "What's going on?!" a nurse asked, rushing over. "I don't know. I think it's burst varices. She's coughing blood," I said quickly, running with her over to Billie.

"She's got a history of bulimia. It might be stomach ulcers? I don't know," I said, running a hand through my hair and trying my best to calm down Billie. I grabbed some gauze off the crash cart the nurse just pulled over and took Billie's hands, wiping the blood off to make her feel less scared.

"Sorry, I know I shouldn't be helping, but I'm a nurse too. I know what I'm doing," I told the lady just to clarify that I was trying to help, not get in the way and mess up her order of things. "What's her name?" the nurse asked, nodding to Billie as she took the wrapping off a syringe full of saline.

"Billie," I told her, which only made Billie try to pull me closer. "I know it's scary, but you've gotta calm down, my love," I told the girl, wiping her lips clean.

Another doctor walked in, the receptionist following behind. "Time's up," she told me. "What?" I asked. "Your visiting time is up. Leave the doctors to the work. She's in good hands," she said, coming in and escorting me out. "What?! Stop! She needs me! Billie!" I shouted, trying to turn around.

The whole walk back to the reception, I tried to explain the situation, but she wasn't having it. We reached the waiting room, and she let go of my arm. "You don't understand—" I tried, but she cut me off once again.

"Come back tomorrow. Please leave before I call security."

I held myself back from cursing out this woman as I went outside. I yelled, kicking the ground, tears brimming in my eyes again. "Shit!"

1031 words.