Not A Love Story

Chapter 16-The child (SO SORRY MAJOR SAD WARNING)

I woke up and saw I was in Draco's dorm, then it all hit me at once.

Last night. Lilliana. The winters ball. She was missing.

I got up and ran down to the common room to see Draco sitting by the fire, staring with a blank look.

"Draco..?" I said, walking over to him.

"Oh... Your up..." He said quietly, moving over so I could sit down.

"Why do you seem so sad?" I asked, concerned.

"Well... They found Lilli." He said, looking at me.

"They did?! Well that's great news! Where is she?" I said, looking around and expecting Lilli to crawl up to me at any minute.

Draco sat quietly, looking down at the floor

"Draco..?" I said

He didn't answer.

"Draco Lucius Malfoy where the fuck is my daughter?" I said, getting annoyed.

"Lilli's dead, Brinley." He whispered, tears starting to form in his eyes.

"What?" I said, not being able to believe what I had heard.

"She crawled through the doors before McGonagall got there, she managed to find a staircase and... She fell Brin..." He said, his voice breaking and tears starting to roll down his face.

"No.... No no no no no no no no this can't be true, tell me it's a cruel joke Draco. Tell me please that this is a prank!" I said, starting to cry as well.

"It's not a prank, that would be inhuman to do to someone. Her body's in the hospital wing, if you don't believe me.." he said sadly.

I laid down on his lap and starting sobbing.

I don't know how long I laid there for, Draco stroking my hair and crying with me, but it was at least a few hours.

I didn't go to class, I couldn't bear to see the pity I knew everyone else would show. I didn't eat, meals wouldn't be the same without my bright ball of sunshine there. I didn't go to my dorm, not wanting to see the empty bassinet and crib, the nursery full of clothes, the pictures of me and her and Tatum.

I just cried.

Eventually, the crying stopped. I couldn't cry anymore, I had no more tears. I sat there and fell into a sort of lulling and peaceful sleep, a dreamless one, relaxing. Almost like dying, although dying would mean not having to wake up and see Lilli wasn't here. Dying would mean being able to see her again. Dying was probably the better option.

When I woke up, I was in my bed. Draco lay next to me, holding my close and cuddling me comfortingly. His face was red, probably from crying, and I assumed mine was too.

I got up slowly, walking out of my room and into the nursery.

I looked at all the clothes, the toys, the memories.

Her first time crawling, her first words, her first time laughing.

Learning how to stand up, how to pick up her toys, how to sleep almost completely through the night.

No more progress would ever be made in this room. I wouldn't get to see her grow up. She would never meet her siblings, if I could hear to have another child after this.

I grabbed a bear from her crib, smelling it. It smelt like her. I could hear her laughs, her saying "Mama", I could see her adorable smile, her hair that was the same color as Draco's. Her face when she was given a new toy, or food. How she would light up any room she was in with her presence. Everyone who met her loved her, how could you not when she was such a sweet child.

She didn't fuss, she didn't cry often, she was a happy, innocent, sweet little girl.

And now... She was gone....

I took her bear and went back to my room, laying back on the bed and snuggling up to Draco, this time, however, with a small brown bear in the middle.

A bear that had her name on it.

Her smell.

Her memories attached.

Her bear...

My bear... Gone.

~~~~

So, I got motivation to post. I sincerely apologize for this chapter. I cried so hard writing this.

There are happier moments to come, but for now. We're here. This is NOT the end.

I used my personal experience with loss of close friends and family, as well as the loss of a sibling (through miscarriage) to write this chapter. I do not understand how a mother would feel losing their child, but I know it would feel like the worst thing in the world.

If you have lost a child, through miscarriage or if they died after they were born, I send my prayers out to you.