Remember What?

Chapter 11

I sighed as I looked up at Cameron who seemed to be studying me as I analyzed the pattern. "What's so interesting?" He asked as he furrowed his brow. "Nothing, I'm just thinking-" I replied but I was cut off, yet again by his nervous voice. "Too much thinking is bad, especially when you're in a situation like this." he said almost harshly. "Cam, I can trust you? And you can trust me? So if there was something I needed to know, you would tell me, right?" I asked earnestly, as I sat up and looked into his dark eyes. "No, if it would hurt you I wouldn't tell you. But not telling you hurts too. Both hurt, it's just a matter of which one hurts less." "Which one hurts more?" I asked. "Knowing would hurt more.....but if you find out, time will only make it worse. Its up to you." "Don't tell me. If I think I can be happy, then I can be happy." I replied. "Thinking is different than actually doing." He said hesitantly as he glanced down. "You won't be able to make it work, will you?" I asked with almost an amused smile. "I'm not worried about myself, this is all I've ever wanted since I meet you, I'm just worried about you." "Don't worry about me, I'll worry about myself. Everything will work out." I said mainly convincing myself. "In the end...for better or worse." I smiled at him as my vision became blurred. I would remember those words like they were engraved in my body, or more specifically, inked into my body. Him and I would share that same tattoo, right on our rib cages where it hurt the most. But, that would be all that we shared. Just the tattoo, nothing else for this was all a beautiful illusion that even he would begin to believe just when it would end.
•<•>•<•>•
I shook anxiously as I carried my bag into the quiet house, it all felt so new and unfamiliar. "Where are we?" I asked as I looked at the cold hardwood floors that creaked beneath my feet. "It's our house." He replied with a smile. It wasn't my home or our home, it was just a building. I heard him sigh as he walked down a hallway and disappeared. It was already difficult to "pretend" because I knew something was wrong. I took a deep breath and realized something, I would never be here, right now, in this moment. I would have to just go with it and not look back. I kept looking back, every second there would be a question arising about the past or future and nothing about the present. That's what I think is wrong, that people forget about how amazing "now" can be. "Now" won't be the same again and it's all you have in the present. "Now" is the only thing that's important, its what you do now that can change later.