HEART DESIRES

FAREWELL

April

"The whole scenario was like he made me happy for a bit and then the reality came crashing down on me" I almost tried to control my tears.

"What happened exactly" Beth held my hands.
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I was returning back to my locker room, as I forgot my essentials. And if I would have gone home without taking it back. It would have been a problem...I needed them for completing my assignments.

But the moment I was about to enter the room, I found the door was half open? Was someone else there to?

I slightly pushed open it, only to find the floor beneath my feet shift. The scene infront of me was unbelievable and horrifying. I just wanted it to be a fucking nightmare.

It was Geena, the girl was Geena and Tyler was hugging her so close to him. Their body were so close to eachother that I felt as if my heart was so far from understanding his heart

I turned back, and started running towards the playground, I needed to breathe. The moment I reached ground the only thing I did was look up at the sky, to ask that one power sitting in the clouds, that Why God why? Why me?

And for that one moment I felt like, I loved Tyler so much that the solution after seeing him happy in someone else's arms was to pray to the almighty, to make me stop loving him.

For almost sitting there for about one hour. The only thoughts that came into my mind was,

Isn't it normal for us to know that if we are going to be prepared for love, we have to get prepared for the same love to end too. But noone teaches us this from the start, and the heart desires never want to listen to any warnings, because the heart wants, what it wants. Noone expects falling out of love with someone but the reality warns us.

I decided that day to just stop pushing myself towards him, I decided not to become a part of his life anymore. I decided to walk away before he knows, anyone questions, anyone pities me. I need to work on myself all over again, I can't just lose myself in the process of this. I was all set and prepared but somewhere my heart cried that day thinking that the hardest part about walking away from someone you love is when you realise that they will never run after you.
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And after that day, I decided to focus on me, I decided to love me, I stopped talking to Geena anymore and the best thing about all this was Geena was very happy that I walked away silently without questioning them! She was happy that it's them now, for a happy forever.

Tyler was at fault, but Geena the girl I used to consider as my sweetheart backstabbed me. She fucking knew about my feelings still she crumbled them with her bare hands like someone destroys the sand castle a happy kid makes at beach, which give him/her immense happiness.

In this process of my heartbreak, I decided to move to aunt Lydia's place. Only to get some fresh air, and a change to have a smooth future.

But heartbreaks are not beautiful, it isn't a fucking poetry. It's not like staying up in bed till 4;00 in the morning and listening to sad songs, it's about walking in a busy street and breaking down. It's like missing their presence, its trying to find their face in the crowds. It's like the dreamy love fantasy , the heart desires start turning to horror, as if sitting on the couch feeling okay for a week and then one day all of a sudden you feel the ghost of their lips on your neck, and their nails on your back...and then you start choking on the memories of their presence. It's waking up to the dreams of them coming back to you and then screaming in the middle of the night because your chest aches like a rotting tooth.

All I want is people to stop using people like object, I know it was my fault to fall for him, to love someone because they praised me, appreciated me, because the sweet words coming from their mouth was like a melody soothing my heart and soul. I know I am at fault, but why didn't he tell me once? Why didn't he once asked me to stay at a distance, and saying this that he never knew I had such intentions will be a fucking lie coming out from his mouth. People like him, people who love to play..today with her next day with another should no that a heart is not a ciggerate, you can't just light it up and stomp it out the next moment. And not to lie, heartbreak is nothing to be romanticized ...I fucking will never ever even want my enemies to suffer from it.