Unseen

-11-

"Ugh, I forgot to ask him about what it feels to touch a ghost. Why didn't I ask him that first?" I ramble, walking into my house, face palming myself for not starting with what I was most curious about.

I learnt about him and a few things about my type, but not enough and I ended up hitting a nerve, without meaning, what ruined my chances. Still, I should be grateful for what little more I know now, like the fact I can't leave this place even if I want to. I wonder if I died here at home and that's why I have to come back every day. It's not like I'm obliged to do so, but I do feel the urge to come back every day no matter what happened or didn't happen. I'm here every night when I could easily spend my time anywhere else in town, instead I come back. But then, why do I even leave hime every morning? Why do I go to college? I don't have good memories or even a good feeling from when I was alive. I remember how I didn't want to go when I was alive, then why do I keep going when I'm dead and free from that obligation? Did I die at college? Did something happened there that's made me roam that place?

Why can't I remember how I die? Is that something normal for all ghosts?

Argh. Now I have even more questions and I know James won't answer them. I won't push him no matter how much I'm dying to figure things out. I know it's annoying and I don't want to be another of those ghosts that have left bad memories in his life.

I actually feel very remorseful for annoying him so much back then, but I honestly didn't think I was annoying him. I just thought I was, per usual, talking to myself and pretending I was just being ignored instead of remaining unseen to him, but turns out he could actually see and hear me. If he had reacted from the first moment things would've been easier for him and he would've avoided two weeks of constant nagging.

It's conflictive. A part of me feels guilty for what I did, but then he also has his share of responsibility so I don't think I should even feel like this. I apologised already and learnt my lesson. I should move on from this. I just don't know why that seems so difficult.

Was I always this stubborn or is it because I'm a ghost now?

I should honestly write down all these questions in case I have another opportunity like today-not with James, of course, I know that-so I won't end up with even more questions and a few answers that don't really help.

"I'm home!" I call, trying to push all these thoughts aside and walking up to the kitchen, where I know I'll find Mum. "How was your day?" I ask even if I know I won't receive answer. I watch her, with those hollow eyes and the sempiternal dark bags under them. She keeps losing weight and I wish I could do more for her, to get her to properly eat or something. "Mum, today James talked to me. Yes, he talked to me, not the other way around, and answered some questions. Sure, I didn't really ask the questions I wanted but it's something, right? I shouldn't be that ungrateful."

I sit across from her, watching her wrap her hands around the cup and with her eyes lost on the telly.

"Apparently, I can't leave this place, I'm bound to it. Also, ghost can hurt people so I'll be more careful with you, Mum. I don't wanna make things harder than they already are," I promise, wishing she could hear me and know how concerned I am. "But you know what worried me the most? James," I continue, speaking the utmost truth.

After he left I stayed there at the bench in front of the church, thinking of the things he told me about himself. His lonely life, painful and haunted. It surely wasn't easy to grow up like that, not only without parents but also with ghosts nagging him, desperate for some company. I do understand why ghosts would follow and haunt him the moment they realise James can actually see them, but still, I feel so bad for that little boy he once was.