Unseen

-18-

"It... it hurts you. Please, James," I stammer, trying to pull away from him but he's either too strong or I'm too weak.

It's probably the latter.

Until very recently I couldn't even feel my body and I felt like ashes. I'm just now becoming whole again but I don't think I'm quite myself just yet. I don't know where we are, how is that he is holding me or what is actually happening. I barely remember what happened last time I walked through someone, I just remember the pain and that I never wanted to feel like that again. The big difference, though, is that back then I felt hot. Burning hot like I was caught up in flames. But today it was burning cold, as if I was exposed to absolute zero temperature.

"I can... endure it," he replies between gritted teeth. I can feel him shaking and it's probably due the pain he is feeling.

He knows so well what it feels to touch a ghost. He has touched me before so why is he doing this again? Hasn't he had enough for a day? Is he a masochist or did he just lose his mind? I can't understand him and his behaviour. He keeps confusing me and even if he is doing something to help me, I want him to stop. No matter how warm and comfortable it feels in his arms, he is hurting and I can't allow that. I can't let him suffer because of me.

"Stop. Stop now. I'm okay, now," I speak, trying to make my voice sound firm and sure.

I concentrate hard to push everything to the darkest part of my mind, where not even I can reach them. All the agony and misery away. I focus only on James' warm arms around me and the beat of his heart. I focus on his laboured breathing and the way he rocks me back and forward. I concentrate on this living boy and push every bad feeling of mine as far away as possible. I have no idea if that helps or it is a futile as a wingless bird trying to fly, but I have to try.

It seems it works because his body stops shaking that violently and it's more like shivering due to cold. His breathing also evens and he doesn't hold me that tight. His heart is still racing, I can feel it under my palm. I continue pushing my feelings, blocking everything, shutting myself out and just paying attention to James.

"Let me go," I whisper, closing my eyes because if I open them I'll lose my concentration and bring all the agony back. I can deal with it, but I can't let him feel it again. "I'm fine now."

Reluctantly and hesitantly, his arms loose up around me and I'm slowly released until I can put at least ten centimetres between the two of us. I open my eyes and the moment I do that all the agony that lives within me comes back and for a second I can't even breathe or move. Black clouds start to blur my vision and my hearing becomes muffled. I blink once then another time and another until I can see properly again and the emotions settle down. An eternity later I can take a breath and release it. Only then I can see James properly again and he is on his knees, breathing hard, sweating and completely pale. Drops of sweat and tears stream down his face and even his lips have adqsuired a blueish colour. My hands itch to reach his face and wipe these away but I can't forget I'm the reason why he's like this, looking so miserable and exhausted.

"Are... are you okay? For real?" he asks and I sigh with a slight shake of my head. I can't believe he is asking that.

"Take a look of yourself. I'm sure you look more dead than I do," I reply, trying to make my voice sound lighter so he doesn't worry more. "I'm fine. Thank you," I add next with a smile that hurts my heart. "You didn't have to do that," I tell him and now he is the one shaking his head.

James pulls back, sitting down and crossing his legs. He takes deep breaths and wipes his face with his sleeves, then he takes his beanie and lets the dreads fall lose.

"Yeah, I had to. Paige, you don't understand how heartbreaking your screams were. It was like someone was being murdered and tortured. I couldn't just call your name until you listened so I grabbed you and dragged you away," he explains and only then notice we are in a small empty room. "And even then you wouldn't stop screaming."