Bringin' on the Heartbreak

12

Declan's due date approached before any of us could take a moment to relax after the holidays. Just a couple days before Valentine's Day, our 7 pound boy arrived with the same big beautiful blue eyes as the man who created him. We're in love with him, and fatherhood looks incredible on Sav. It's like something completely flipped inside of him as soon as he locked eyes with the blue ones that matched his.

It's been a difficult adjustment, but Sav has been with me every step of the way. Recovery from birth is extremely hard while also having to take care of a tiny person. This is an amazing moment in our lives, but I'm not going to lie and say it's been sunshine and rainbows.

I've been extremely snappy, which I only realize after I've done it. Sav's patience with me makes me love him so much more. He has the ability to read me like no one else so he knows it's just from the stress of having our lives completely flipped around.

"I'm sorry." I say to Sav as he's entering the bedroom after putting down Declan.

"For what?" He looks at me from the end of the bed confused, crossing his arms.

"Being such a bitch lately." I look down in embarrassment.

He chuckles as he peels off his shirt and crawls in next to me.

"Oh baby, I know you don't mean to be. It's been a rollercoaster lately. One thing after another and then Declan." He assured me, putting a hand on my shoulder.

"I don't know how I got so lucky to have someone as understanding as you."

"Hey, you carried another human for nine months and now he's here and screaming at you every day. I get it." He jokes. His eyes are sparkling from the reflection of the moon coming in the window. I could just melt every time he looks at me with them.

"Thank you." I kiss him and turn my back towards him, falling asleep listening to his breath fanning against my neck.

-

The guys are on their way to meet Declan today. We've been home from the hospital for a couple days but the band has been working on some new material, so they haven't found the time to come.

Hearing a knock at the door, I yell at them to come in.

Upon entering, they all stop in their tracks as they see the little bundle wrapped up in my arms. I think Steve's eyes were on the verge of popping out of his head with excitement.

"Oh, just look at him!" Georgia says, coming up to us. "Can I?" She holds her arm out and I nod, handing Declan over.

"Look at those eyes!" Georgia says in a baby voice, handing him to Steve who had been longing to hold him from the moment he walked through the door.

"Wow man, you can't deny him." Steve says to Sav. Steve's wide smile is beaming at the sight of Declan's blue eyes meeting his.

"He's like him in every way. I'm totally not jealous at all." I joke.

"He has his mother's stubbornness, though." Sav playfully hits my shoulder.

Steve passes Declan to Phil, who acts like he's never held a child before and sits down on the couch for security. He looks a bit scared, but smiles down at his new nephew intently.

"Hey, Declan. I'm your future bad influence." Phil jokes.

With that, Rick sits next to Phil and plays with Declan for a moment before they pass him to Joe.

"My my what an amazing honor it is to hold the youngest Savage. I'm your Uncle Joe, and I'm going to tell you how to get women one day." He whispers the last part, hiding his mouth and laughing before glancing at Sav and I quickly.

Suddenly all of the interactions and emotions in the room become too much for me. I release myself from Sav's arms and step outside for a moment, taking a deep breath as I take in the fresh air. This was one of the first moments of peace I've had in a while. I close my eyes and lean back in the chair, only to hear the door open and close from behind me.

"Are you alright?" Georgia asks, sitting in the chair next to me. She looks at me with concern.

"I'm fine, it just got a little overwhelming in there."

"I understand. How have you been otherwise?"

"Honestly..." I pause and take a deep breath before responding. "Not good. I've been snappy with Sav, the whole adjustment has been a lot and I feel like everything is just crashing in on me." I admit, surprised I told her that much.

Georgia gives me a look like she's not sure how's she's going to respond to my sudden trauma dump, and reaches over to put her hand on my knee. "Oh honey, you need to see someone."

"I know, whenever I can get a free second I'll look into it." I lie. I don't like therapy, I don't feel like it does anything productive for me.

"Will you really, though?" She cocks an eyebrow at me as if she just read straight into my mind. "If Declan is the issue, I'd be more than happy to look after him for a bit."

"It's not that, I just... I have some past experiences with therapy that didn't end up well."

Before Georgia could respond, Sav pokes his head out of the glass door.

"Guys, you've gotta come look at this."

Looking at each other in confusion, we shrug and head inside. Georgia and I sit on the couch next to Sav, taking in the picture-worthy moment. Joe has Declan lying on his back, making goofy animated faces towards him that are making him laugh at his uncle harder than we've ever seen.

I smile and pull myself closer to Sav. "They're going to be the next Terror Twins. I can see it now." He quietly whispers in my ear and I nod. The feeling of his warm breath makes me shutter a little. I was craving intimacy post-birth, but we had to be a little more patient.