Know Your Worth

13

Today was the day I marched for battle, clad in my most comfortable turtleneck and loose fitting pants and armed with an endless supply of stationery. Well, not endless, but with an excessive number of pens and pencils and erasers.

My brain was somewhat alert from the lukewarm black coffee that I'd swapped for my beloved vanilla iced latte. Some sacrifices had to be made after all.

I masked my face into a cool calm. I looked bored, completely disinterested with my surroundings when on in the outside, I was silently freaking out.

My heart was beating pretty fast, and I tried to ignore the frantic page flippings of many people and the general chatter that consisted of numerous variations of "I'm so fucked,", "Whatever it's too late anyways," and "Oh my god I'm scared,".

I tried very, very hard to not let it distract me.

I would be an unbothered queen.

Or so I'd hoped. I refused to relook at my notes, just in case I start panicking about not remembering a certain chunk of information, stress so much about it that I end up completely blanking out in the exam.

I avoided all of my friends during exam people. I needed to be left alone to function.

I sat on a chair that was strategically placed closest to the examination hall doors, just in case. I wanted to be the first to enter and sit down on my assigned seating. That way, I could calm myself down while others scuffled about.

"Since when was the whole section on monopolistic competitions tested?!" A girl nearby wails to her friends, and that was it.

I racked my brain to recall what I studied about it, and that made me nervous. This wasn't good.

I didn't have my notes with me. Dread starts coiling in my stomach. My mouth feels dry.

No no no no.

I don't remember much about monopolistic competitions.

I was going to fail this paper.

That thought was the breaking point.

I stood up suddenly and marched right to one of the railings lining the corridor that starts from just outside the exam hall, trying to soothe myself.

It was to no avail.

I started to cry. My breaths came out in unsteady pants and I started to grip the railing so hard my fingers hurt.

I want to give up.

A small part of my brain is telling me that I am overreacting, but if a long essay question is based on monopolistic competitions, I was not going to score well.

My confidence was so easily shattered.

I wanted to quit and just go home. I probably looked pitiful standing there, pretty much bawling my eyes out minutes before the exam.

"Hey, hey," a deep voice said. It was like a comforting balm.

"Deep breaths. Want some water?" He asks. It's Grey Eyes again.

"I'm, I'm, I'm gonna- gonna f-fail the, the exam," I sobbed out.

"You're not. Drink this, it's not been unopened," he replies, concerned.

My hands were shaking so badly that he ended up opening the bottle for me.

I swallowed a small mouthful, still heaving unsteady breaths.

I needed to distract myself, pull myself out of this.

"Wha- What's your name?" I managed to choke out.