Know Your Worth

34

It's a Sunday, and Sam has managed to convince me to tag along for breakfast at Mac's with the guys. 

I went for the lowest calorie option meal there, and made sure to eat it in tiny bites. I had to be careful, because if I enjoy it too much, I might lose control and eat more than what I should.

Seeing everyone else eat a lot was jarring. Slightly upsetting as well, but I made sure to keep my face neutral and unbothered as I slowly chew through my egg Mcmuffin, which was 300 calories. It had the lowest number of calories out of the other options.

Being able to identify the calorie labels on the breakfast items gives me a sense of relief. I also ordered a sausage burrito, and it was 310 calories. I was careful to not order any drinks, and stuck to mineral water. I felt really good and proud of myself for making smart decisions. Being able to refuse the scarily high-calorie meals made me feel like I was in control.

Sam ordered hotcakes, which  looked like diabetes in a meal with a staggering 590 calories. Not to forget the four hashbrowns (which had about 480 calories) AND the medium mocha frappe ( which was a jaw-dropping 530 calories).

Sure, I used to drink vanilla iced lattes and they weren't the healthiest, but I made sure to not eat a lot of solid food to not go over 1500 calories.

Actually, 1500 was a huge number, but an improvement from my 900 calories limit last time. It didn't go over very well, because there were times I skipped meals for days and ended up vomiting blood one time, and had to be rushed to the hospital, but 1500 seemed okay-ish.

I was shocked by the amounts Sam was consuming. In a way, I envied how carefree and careless she was with her calorie intake. She wasn't fat, but she wasn't thin either. She looked good, but she never once complained about her weight or ate healthy to get thinner. She consumed whatever she wanted, whenever she felt like it and it was so foreign to me.

How does she do it? How was she able to not look at the calories and just eat whatever she wants? How does she not worry about the weight gain and the fat that will accompany when she eats that much?

The four boys also ate a lot, and I'm surprised because they still looked to be in shape. Theo especially. He ordered two bacon, egg and cheese bagels that were 550 calories each, together with hotcakes and two sausage McMuffins with cheese. His meal easily went over 1000 calories, and I internally reasoned that he needed to eat a lot as an athlete to build and maintain his physique, the numbers still shocked me nonetheless.

Nate and Damien went overboard with their hotcakes, hashbrowns, sausage biscuits with eggs, sausage Mcgriddles and caramel frappes. Theo stuck to mineral water, like me.

Nate poked fun at my breakfast, saying that I was eating like a tardigrade. I had no idea what a tardigrade even was until I googled it (courtesy of Mac's wifi) and found out that it was a type of animal that had one of smallest appetites, going without food for years.

I said that his blood pressure and insulin would go to heaven instead of him, and Theo laughed at my joke. I felt happy whenever I could make the normally impassive Theo laugh. Still, Nate offered me a hashbrown, and I thought about the crazy amount of carbs, excess salt and empty calories in that seemingly harmless food item and refused politely.

Theo gave me an unfathomable expression when he stared at my tray of
food for a beat too long, and I ignored him and focused on Sam's gossip.

It didn't matter who it was. Girls, guys, non-binary people etc. She would gossip with them about celebrity drama and conspiracy theories about our school professors, half of which I don't even know exist.

Axel would politely humour her, listening out of respect, but Nate would also spill the beans on scandalous things that he got firsthand from his flings and casual hook-ups.
Axel was always the most respectful one, the dad of the group.