Know Your Worth

40

He looked so gorgeous, it actually hurt. I'm sitting across from him now, the dim light hitting the planes of his face. His grey eyes were so hypnotising to me, like a storm that I would willingly drown in. I tried to focus on the menu, forcing my eyes to not stare at him like a complete creep.

But damnnnn, boy looked, to borrow one of Sam's phrases, hot AF.

I could barely understand that this was happening. I was on a semi-date with Theodore Gideon Hunter, possibly the most gorgeous guy on campus. This does not happen to me often, more like at all.

Feeling self-conscious, I asked him to order the pizza instead and prayed that I wouldn't blush under his intense gaze. His eyes were gentle but trained on my face, watching me carefully.

"Is there something wrong with my face?" I asked awkwardly, my voice coming out high-pitched and a little squeaky. I sounded stupid and cringed so hard in my head.

"No, why?" his brow furrowed, and I wanted to reach out to smooth it away.

"You keep on staring at me," I explained, biting my lip and bouncing my leg in nervousness.

He gave me a slow, lazy smile that caused heat to pool low in my belly, making my heart race a little faster and my chest feel a little tighter. I couldn't help but let my eyes drift and stop at his mouth. I wondered what it would like to have his lips press against mine, coaxing my mouth open and letting his tongue brush mine.

I wondered what it would be like to have his hair tickling the inside of my thighs, having his warm mouth on me.

Get it together, I order my brain. This was not the time to be having inappropriate fantasies about a guy I can never have. I didn't want to blow my chances with him, to make him think that I was a weirdo whom he never should have asked out. I had to play it cool, but I also didn't want him to think that I was high-maintenance or snobbish.

We were only friends with mutual friends and it would, and should stay that way.

I want him to be mine though.

I was going to secretly project all my date fantasies onto him, and pretend that he was my rebound from Simon.

Thinking about Simon made me feel nothing immediately like I had the emotional capacity of a stiff wooden plank.

A total mood killer, that was for sure.

"You look really nice, that's all," Theo murmured, the timbre of his voice washing over my skin, leaving goosebumps in its wake.

"Thanks," I replied shyly.

"You sure about wanting me to order for you? You don't have any certain preferences?" He checked, and I shook my head.

"Okay, I'm going to pick the medium pepperoni first, and we'll see if we can stomach more food from there," he conceded.

He went to the counter to order, and I fiddled with the strap of my bag. Staring out the at the glass panels, I recognised many students from campus, some a little bit more than tipsy by their unsteady gait and loud voices that could be heard even through the glass of Pizza Castle.

Probably pre-gamed and on their way to Jade's Bar not far from Pizza Castle. I'd never been there, but Sam probably has.

I started to stare at my reflection in the glass, easier to spot due to the darkening of the sky in the evening. I thought that I looked quite...nice.

It was odd, to think of myself this way. I wasn't the ugliest person in the room, but I definitely wasn't the prettiest or the most interesting. The clothes that I was now able to afford did help in making me look less uncomely, but I had a plain, boring face that guys just didn't pay attention to much. It sounded vain in my own head, but it would feel so fucking amazing if I woke up and had a more petite nose with bigger lips and noticeable cheekbones instead of baby fat.