Know Your Worth

21

My holidays were supposed to be fun and awkwardness-free. Instead, I ended up becoming frazzled over the sheer amount of reading material for the next semester. 

Whatever resolution I had of enjoying my break was out the window when I saw fellow batchmates already reading ahead in the library. When I approached them and hesitantly asked if there was any homework that I'd missed, they'd assured me that it wasn't, but that they had just wanted to prepare beforehand. 

Despite knowing the need for rest and relaxation, I also needed to look out for myself. At this rate, when the semester started, I would have fallen even more behind than my peers. 

I needed to be able to keep up, and in the long-run, future me would be glad that I took some steps to ensure against the unavoidable learning curves that will haunt me as the days go by. 

This place was competitive, and I needed to up my game if I wanted to keep afloat in the Blackwell sea of damning confusion and eternal frustration. 

Thus, here I was, in the library, making my own notes for business because I couldn't stand to look at my Economics textbooks and booklets. The silver lining was that I was familiarising myself with the content, so I would remember it better in the future. 

I did take breaks by listening to Taylor Swift and did end up taking one-hour breaks just relistening to Reputation because it fit flawlessly with my villain origin era here at this shit university. 

It was funny how a year ago I had relentlessly poured over my study materials to get into Blackwell, all for that to end up with me hating this soul-sucking, happiness-destroying university that gave me endless anxiety. 

There was nothing cool about getting to wear the Blackwell jacket when the price of it was your mental sanity. 

Sam had gone out with her other friends, Janine and Layla, and they wanted to go thrift shopping. I felt a bit sad that Sam might think of me as a bad friend, but right now, my place in this university needs to be secured first. 

Friendships cannot be my priority. Sam has two parents who bring in a decent income and are able to pay for her education. I have a single mom who, despite achieving social mobility, still deserves to spend some money on herself. I don't want her hard-earned money to be wasted on me. 

I also cannot really afford to go thrift shopping and I would rather poke my eye out than admit it to anyone, even Sam. 

I resumed back to re-reading and highlighting my textbook until a shadow loomed over me. 

Ignoring it at first seemed like a good option but the shadow remained there, blocking the light hitting the pages. My head turned up and I saw the Simon dude. 

Jesus, him again? 

I raised my chin questioningly and reluctantly removed my headphones. 

"Can I join you?" he requested apprehensively. I immediately felt bad for judging him so harshly. 

"I don't mind," I said carefully, and he grinned in relief. He plopped himself on the chair right across from me and dumped his bag on the chair beside him. 

There was something nagging at the back of my mind, and I decided to just ask him outright. 

"How did you come to know me?" 

"Fresher's Week," he responded almost immediately, and that made me even more confused. 

"I'm sorry, but I don't remember talking to you. Ever," I laughed nervously. 

"Yeah, um, I kinda saw you with Kayla. She and I went to the same high school. She's your roommate, right? I asked about you, and uh, I hope you don't find that creepy cos I swear I'm not a stalker," he stammered and I felt uncomfortable.