Flower Girl | h.s.

30.

Harry

"Hey, Harry. Why don't you come on back?"

My eyes lift from my space in the waiting room, picking up the adrenaline on being spoken to in the office setting. I followed the brunette back to her office; the familiar scent of lavender fills the room.

I take a seat on the edge of the sofa, feeling an undoubtedly annoyance that I'm back here.

"Would you like some water?" I hear, my eyes trailing back to Halle who stands by a small mini fridge behind her desk. The office setting is cozy and small, but I can feel her trying to make me as comfortable as possible in the most uncomfortable place.

"Uh, no, I'm okay. Thank you, though." I answer her with a small smile, nodding a few times to confirm to myself. She grins back, pushing her hair out of her face when she stands back up from grabbing herself a drink.

Halle comes to sit down across from me, her usual position with a notebook on her lap. She has sparkling water now seated on the coffee table between us.

"How were the holidays for you?" Halle asked, her face giving me a bright smile. It was something that I hadn't seen in a few weeks, really since the holidays. A bright smile, that is.

Christmas was ten days ago already.

"They— they were good," I answered, nodding my head. They were good, that wasn't a lie. It was mostly just everything after that. Possibly the best holiday to date, and I was so unsure how we went from one high to such a deep low. It felt like it was so long ago.

It felt like a lot of sleepless night alone in my bed.

I rubbed my hands over my thighs, feeling the sensation that my palms were sweating. I wore shorts today because I had planned to go for a run, but hadn't made it out of the house in time.

"It's been a while since you were here," Her words were ominous as she nodded, crossing her legs to face me more. She could tell that something was wrong without having to point it out, "You called a bit suddenly."

The agitation and fidgeting were becoming overwhelming to me, and I knew that she could tell. It was annoying how well therapists could do their job. Why was she so good at reading me when I had to learn all these skills to read myself? All I wanted was to feel normal, and she had to sit there and tell me I could fix myself.

"Harry, what's going on?"

I cleared my throat, feeling the sensation of tightness starting to overwhelm me.

Where to start?

I spent New Years alone– mostly because I had told Daisy that I couldn't go out anywhere, which was where the excuses began. I stayed home with the kids, we kept things super simple and easy. I think that Daisy understood that, leaving space and boundaries where they needed to be.

Lottie didn't leave her room, Brooks didn't stay up until midnight. We didn't try to pretend it was anything special, because it wasn't.

Nursing a bottle of Jack wasn't exactly what I planned on, but there were quite a few glasses worth gone from the bottle. Enough where I stumbled walking up the stairs, a bit of a hangover the next morning. That made me feel more pathetic, drinking alone out of complete sadness. Going out with Daisy and our friends was what I had wanted to do, but I figured that it was just easier for me to stay home.