Flower Girl | h.s.

37.

Harry

"That was definitely a foul, mate! Oh, come on!"

I'm standing by the fence, a bit of nervous energy running through my veins as I look at the referee who is definitely not doing a single thing about the fact that one of the kids on the opposite team just hit the ball out of bounds.

Kids soccer was a fucking joke.

"You're going to get us kicked out," Lottie rolls her eyes next to me, "Again."

The soccer field is a place that, I can admit, I'm not at my best. There always seems to be a bit of anger that can fuel me when I'm watching kids games, but I try my hardest to keep it tucked away. 

Since we were kicked out that one time.

"Hey, that wasn't my fault! You remember," I tell her, turning towards her as I lean on the fence, "That one guy... I can't remember his name, but he was the dad of that one kid. He was being an asshole and I tried to step back, but not when he's heckling our team, Lots."

At my words, Lottie continues to shake her head and roll her eyes. Behind us, Jared and Daisy are sitting on the bleachers. We make our way back to where the other two are sitting, and I'm instantly met with her eyes– almost like she had been waiting for me to look.

She had been waiting for me to pay attention to the way that she applied the chapstick to her tenderly pink lips, or the way that she moved the loose hair from her clip off of her cheek in the subtle breeze of the coast.

My pretty, pretty girl.

It had been a week since Daisy and I made it back home from our trip. The trip that had started a bit rocky, but not without cause. Well, cause in my opinion.

We had settled on going to the beach, the day after, when Daisy recognized that she was going to feel a bit better. But, more or less, it felt extremely necessary for both of us to get out of the mindset that we had gone to the island with.

After the pregnancy situation, I found it incredibly difficult to find peace with what the future looked like, especially when it came to Daisy. My future had started to turn into our future a lot more rapidly than I anticipated.

I got scared– my fight or flight activated unlike any other time, and I felt insanely incapable of bettering my emotions. This happened when situations were too big to handle and weren't discussed, and while I recognize now that I should have told Daisy all of that before a situation like that arose. I didn't really know how I was going to react, and so, my reaction was harsh.

Now, I realize that there are situations that I need to make sure that we can prepare for before they happen.

What we needed was just to focus on us for the rest of the time that we had together– and that's what we did. Daisy had started to feel a bit better the following day, saying that her cramps had lessened and that she was starting to feel more like herself.

Our communication had gotten progressively better by the day; we had made sure to cover topics that may have needed to be talked about. One of our biggest conversations included what we had wanted to bring up and mention in therapy when we would go together. Daisy had told me that she would like to talk with Halle and I at my next meeting with her, and I wanted to make that happen– but it had to be discussed beforehand.

I made sure to communicate some of my fears in pushing forward, and she expressed some of hers going a bit more in depth, too. We were scared– we had never had love like this before, and it was terrifying to know that losing it was an option.