If I Can't Have you

(34) Hidden proposal

"To Ada and Freddie!" Polly toasts, raising her glass once all the food had been served.

"To Ada and Freddie," the rest of the table chorus, and the happy couple sat at the end share a short kiss.

Tommy was sat beside Freddie, and had somehow managed to be the one that Karl had chosen to be obsessed with for the day. His nephew was sat on his lap, doing anything he could to keep Tommys attention on him.

"Ada, can I give your child a shot of whiskey?" Tommy asks his sister.

"What-no! Of course you can't. Why would you suggest that?" Ada says in disbelief at his comment.

"Put him to sleep," Tommy shrugs, "its what we did with you, and you turned out... okay?"

Karl proceeds to slap Tommys cheek, making Ada laugh, "you deserve that."

Tommy sighs, moving Karl from his shoulder onto his knee, the boy using his thighs as a bed and laying across them, looking up at Freddie and giggling.

Karl grabbed onto Tommys pinky, meaning the man had to attempt to eat with one hand, whilst his nephew found entertainment in the other.

Halfway through the meal, Freddie offers to take Karl from Tommy, to the small boys dismay, but he soon settled in his fathers arms, allowing Tommy to finish his meal with both hands.

Tommy rubs his forehead, drinking some water to try and get rid of the overwhelming urge to vomit. It didn't work.

Quickly, he excuses himself from the table, ignoring all the looks of the confusion as he makes a beeline for the restrooms.

"Is he okay?" Esmé asks.

"I don't know, excuse me," Jemima says, using her napkin to clean the corners of her mouth, before following the direction Tommy had disappeared in.

"Tom?" Jemima questions, hearing heaving noises from the end row of singular cubicles. There was a coughing sound, and she knocks on the door, noticing the it was unlocked.

There was a response given by a low grumble, so she opens the door.

"Tommy, what's wrong? Is it the food?" Jemima questions.

"It's too much, I ate too much, I can't..." Tommy hyperventilates.

"Tommy, breath for me," Jemima says, crouching beside him, "breath for me, love. Calm down, it's going to be alright."

"I didn't want you to find out like this," Tommy replies, "I know I should've told you, but it seems stupid."

"Tell me what, Tommy?"

"I struggle to eat large meals, many meals... just food in general. It makes me feel guilty, and then this happens," Tommy says.

"Why do you feel guilty for eating?" Jemima asks.

"Well... we were poor, I didn't want to take from the others, we didn't have much to eat. And then the war, the rations were small, and they needed it more than me." Tommy explains, "so I got used to not eating, and when I do... the guilt overwhelms me and everything comes back up. I can't help it, Jemima."

Jemima pulls him into her arms, and he mumbles an apology against her shoulder.

"What did I tell you about apologising for things you can't control?" Jemima sighs, kissing his temple, "we'll find a way to get you through this."

"What if we don't? What if this is just my life?" Tommy questions.

"I will find a way to make this better for you," Jemima states.