Secrets, Struggles, & Soulmates - Scarian

Chapter 22

I looked at him with bewilderment in my eyes. My mind was still trying to comprehend the words that had just come out of his mouth. He's loved me since I cried at his doorstep, and maybe even before that. I looked at him speechless. So many things went through my head at the same time and I couldn't think straight. I tried to formulate words but no sounds came out of my mouth. I could see his eyes begin to water so I tried to speed up my response, it was easy right? Just four words, I love you too.

"Grian, I-" can't say it. No matter how hard I try the fear deep inside me won't let me say it. They're just words, it shouldn't be this hard. I just don't want to lose him, but if I don't say anything, I'll end up losing him either way. "I-" He shook his head, tears falling off his face as he did so. "Say no more, I understand." He quickly sprinted away before I could tell him that no, he didn't understand, and that I love him. I love him too. I felt tears roll down my cheeks like an avalanche as I mumbled the words, "I love you too, Grian." even if I knew he couldn't hear me. It felt good to say it either way.

{Grian's POV}

I should've known he didn't feel the same. I should've known this was Mumbo all over again. I should've been realistic, why would he ever want to be with me? The freezing night wind colliding with my face left cold streaks where the tears were. I knew it was too good to be true, yet it still tore my heart apart. I loved, and still do love, him more than anyone I've ever loved before. Now I was faced with the harsh reality that he didn't feel the same. When I got home I jumped into my bed and let all my feelings out in the form of shiny tears, completely drowning out the sounds of my communicator buzzing and buzzing as well as tuning out Scar's feelings completely. No need being emotionally connected to someone who doesn't love you back.

I woke up the next day and I felt as if my life had no purpose. I would usually text Scar in the mornings, but there was no use in doing that. Maybe he still wanted to be friends, but pain knocked on my heart at the simple thought of him right now, I'm going to need a moment before I can see him again. It's not like I don't already see him, memories of him are plagued all over my house, even in my bed. He's everywhere I look, yet he's nowhere in sight. I couldn't handle it, I couldn't handle any of it, so I slept through the whole day. Same went for the day after that, and the one after that, and the one after that, until I decided I needed to do something.

My communicator would buzz fairly frequently throughout the day and whilst I knew how horrible it felt to not be answered, I couldn't bring myself to answer or even just look at Scar's messages. I needed to block his texts so he couldn't send anymore and I could finally stop being woken up from my dreams and daydreams. I knew just the right person to do that, the creator of the device himself, Tango. There was a slight problem though, I would need to text him about it to make sure Scar doesn't catch wind of this. My communicator would definitely open up to his contact so I would need to switch contacts to Tango without looking.

Although it might have sounded easy, it was far from it. The device isn't that big, so the buttons you have to press on the screen are quite small and you can screw up the distance quite easily. I took a deep breath, pictured the blueprints of the app, and touched the screen a couple of times. I hesitantly opened one of my eyes and found myself on the main screen where you pick who you want to text. Not exactly what I was searching for but it'll do. I'd never been so grateful for the lack of message display under someone's contact name before. There was, however, a picture of each of the hermits' faces before their name. A sad smile made it's way onto my lips as I looked at Scar's tiny face through the screen.

I felt a tear fly off of my cheek as I shook my head and pressed on Tango's contact. It was early afternoon so in theory he should be awake and able to come here pretty soon. With that in mind I texted him, 'Hey Tango, you think you could come over for a bit?' It took significantly longer for him to text me back than it usually took Scar and I was starting to get worried that he wasn't going to text me back. Although I was well aware that it would be ridiculous for him to text me back in seconds and that he might not even have his communicator on him at the moment.

'Sure, what's up?'

I felt an odd sense of relief to see his response.

'I need your help with something.'

'Alright I'll be there in a couple of minutes.'

I was quite satisfied with that answer so I went to my bathroom and tried to fix myself up the best I could while I waited. I didn't want it to be that obvious that I've spent the last four days and a half crying in my bed. I wiped my cheeks who felt permanently wet, then brushed my partially wet hair, and finished by changing out of Scar's sweater which was still humid from the many tears soaked into it. I looked at myself in the mirror, it didn't make that much of a difference. My eyes were still red and puffy from crying and my cheeks were still stained from the many tears who loved to roll down them. I sighed in defeat, there's not much more I can do about it now. He'd be suspicious of me asking him how to block someone anyways so who cares now.

As that thought crossed my head I heard a strong knock at my door. I slowly made my way to it and standing on the other side was a happy looking Tango. His expression quickly changed as his eyes met mine. "Oh god, Grian what happened to you?" He asked as he entered my house hastily and inspected me once more. "Nothing, it's fine. I needed your help with an electrical question." He raised a brow as he looked at me intently, "Okay then, go on." His voice was audibly laced with skepticism. "Well, I need you to tell me how to block someone." I saw what I was almost certain was confusion flash through his eyes.

"How is that an electrical question? Ask False, she's better at the whole fighting thing than I am." I giggled slightly, something I hadn't done in a while. "I guess I should've been a little more specific, how do you block someone from sending you messages through Commap?" He seemed puzzled for a second. "Uh, I never really thought of adding a feature like that when I built it. It didn't really seem necessary. If someone's bugging you, you know you can tell me right? False may be better at fighting than I am, but I'm not all that bad!" I shook my head vigorously, I don't think I would be able to go through another one of my loves dying again.

"No one's bugging me, Tango. I'm just receiving a lot of messages I'd rather not be receiving." He nodded with slight relief, "Well, you'd have to tell me who it is so I can go into their contact from your communicator and figure something out." As I opened my mouth to say something, my communicator went off. And then it went off again and again. As soon as it seemed to stop I took the opportunity to say something, "See this is what I mean by a lot of messages." I picked up the small, noisy, device and handed it to Tango. "You'll see who it is when you open the texts." He mumbled a small okay as he opened up the fragile item he'd custom made for me.

After two or three seconds of heavy silence Tango spoke again, "Oh, wait, I don't think this is who you think it is. These texts are from Scar." I felt a pang of sorrow shoot through my heart rapidly, "Exactly." He looked at me with a look of negative amazement. "Wait what? Why do you want me to block Scar's texts? He's the last person I'd expect you to cut ties with!" I felt my eyes begin to water, "Yeah well, life is unpredictable even when you predict it." I scoffed with a burning feeling of melancholy.

"Grian I let you ignore it before but now I really want to know, what happened?" He looked at me with a serious, worried expression. "I'd rather not talk about it. Can you just block him, please?" He sighed deeply, I assumed he was doing this to better accept the fact he wasn't going to get a word out of me anytime soon. "Fine, I'll do it." After he said that he started fiddling around with the device, most likely thinking of a way to open it up and slightly reprogram it. There was a sympathetic look on his face though I wasn't sure what the reason behind it was.

"I'm gonna need to take this home and make a few adjustments for this to work, do you mind if I keep your communicator for a few days? If all goes well it shouldn't take me more than a week." He stated as he held the device up above his head. I silently nodded in approval. "Well, I'll be off then. Bye, Grian, take care of yourself." I looked away shyly, "Bye, Tango." I caught a glimpse of his unimpressed face before he shut the door. The house was suddenly quiet again and I found the feeling quite unsettling, although I was used to it by now.

  

[1742 Words]

I've figured it out, I'm gonna spend a while binge watching Scar's videos because that's my go to, then I'll probably spend a night (or few nights) writing and post multiple chapters at once :) but not for long since there aren't that many left- anyways, bbai lovelies! (hope you're doing better than me) <33