Sparks Fly (ONGOING)

Chapter 20

"Bakla, ang putla mo ngayon."

Jules was looking at me worriedly.

Weeks has passed and palapit na ng palapit 'yong championships. May mahigit dalawang buwan pa 'ko for preparations.

I just nodded at her and smiled.

We're good friends, but I'm just not comfortable enough to open up the deeper parts of me yet.

Ang pag-ooverthink ay hindi mawala sa aking isipan.

"Huy, seryoso... ayos ka lang ba?"

"You look like a vampire," biglang sulpot ni Sol.

Aba! Nagsasalita pala 'to. I couldn't help but laugh.

"Sus, ayos lang ako 'no! 'Di lang ako naaarawan kaya maputla."

"Hindi ka ba kakain?" Tanong sa'kin ni Jules nang makita akong hindi ginagalaw baon ko.

I faked a smile, "madami kasi kinain ko nung breakfast, medyo busog-busog pa 'ko."

Jules looks like she doesn't believe me, but she didn't force me to tell her my problem. Alam niyang mas iiwasan ko lang kung pinilit niya ako. Sol focused her attention on me. Nakatitig lang siya sa akin ng blanko, para bang binabasa buong kabuoan ko. I looked at a different direction; the way she's staring at me makes me feel uneasy.

"Mare, okay ka lang ba?" Bumungad sa'kin ang nagaalalang mukha ni Lia.

Kanina pa 'ko natutumba-tumba. Hindi maganda pagkaskate ko at hindi maayos 'yong execution ng mga skills ko. It's a good thing free day ko talaga ngayon at wala si coach. I was supposed to be comfortable at my room, but I decided to practice instead. Wala naman si coach so I have no reason to be pressured.

Kung ano-ano nanamang madinig kong salita sa kanya.

"Okay lang ako, baka bad skate day lang," sabi ko.

I lied. Alam ko kung bakit 'di maayos ang mga gawi ko ngayon.

Ang sakit ng ulo ko, isama mo pa sakit sa tiyan ko. Sinisipon pa ko.

I have a hunch on why I feel like crap today. I feel like it's when I went to visit Zagitova with Lukas the other day. We watched and waited for Lana.

I promised myself that I would distance myself from him, but I just felt so down and just so exhausted, not just physically but mentally.

Parang palala ng palala si coach. Alam kong importante itong competition na 'to kaya kailangan mas matiyaga at masipag ako pero minsan gusto ko lang ibalot sarili ko sa kama at mamuhay ng matahimik.

Lately, I've been noticing that I could only feel at peace whenever I'm with him.

Madaming mga bata doon nung pumunta kami. Mukhang isa siguro sa kanila may sakit at nahawa ako.

Not only do I feel sick and hungry, my right ankle hurts so bad too.

I landed wrong the other day and coach refused to give me a break. Sabi niya may masakit man o hindi, kailangan lumaban para lang manalo.

He didn't let me ice pack it or even take a few pain killers for it. Pinatayo niya lang ako nung bumagsak ako at ipinagskate ulit.

It hurt so bad, I wanted to cry. But I couldn't, hindi pwede kasi papagalitan niya lang ako at mas lalala pa pagsasalita niya sa akin.

I didn't even have the chance to go to the hospital. After training that day, I went straight home. Anong oras na din ako nakauwi at ang aga-aga ko namang nagising para sa school. I think I became too numb that I didn't feel the pain. I only felt worn out that's why I slept straight as I got home.