Sparks Fly (ONGOING)

Chapter 30

Our comfort series is playing on the tv.

None of us is watching. We're just staring at it, as if it'll help solve our problems.

Nagluto si Lukas ng Sinigang kasi alam niyang paborito ko 'yon. If I eat a meal that gives me solace, maybe it'll make my shitty day feel less shitty.

We have a bowl of ice cream on our laps. Strawberry cheesecake because it's my favorite. Sayang kasi hinayaang ko lang matunaw.

"I'm tough," I said out of nowhere. I saw on my peripheral vision how he turned to look at me.

"I know."

"I don't need anyone's help."

"I know. You're the strongest person I know."

"I can take care of myself," I retorted.

"I know. You can take a break and I'll take care of you," I turned to look at him, only to find him staring at me with a gentle stare.

Ilang oras na ang nakalipas. Wala pa rin akong kinekwento kay Lukas pero naiintindihan naman niya daw. I know that he wants me to open up to him and he'll do his best to help me, but he still understands that I have a difficult time speaking about myself or asking for help.

I was seated at the end of his couch, staring at the bowl of melted ice cream. "May magmamahal ba sa'kin kung huminto ako sa pag-skate?" I asked out of nowhere. It's a question that has been swirling in my head for quite some time now.

I must have had a faraway look on my eyes which was why it caught me off guard when he suddenly came to my vision.

Our eyes are in contact now. I'm seated on his couch while he is kneeling in front of me. I can clearly see the way his eyes are urging me to go talk.

"I hate him for doing that," I continued. "I hate every second, every minute, every hour, every day I have to spend with him."

I looked at him, really looked at him, "I hate him for making me hate something I used to love." I can't help how my voice broke in the end.

"Will you still love me even if I'm no longer Dianna Amethyst, the figure skater?" I asked again.

"W-where is all of this coming from, belle?" Confusion is seen on his face, understandable, since the question came out of nowhere.

Understandable because figure skating is the main thing people know me for. The only thing associated with me.

"I find solace in skating. It's freeing, it somehow calms me. Kahit ilang beses na 'kong nasaktan at nasugatan. It's this... this outlet, na nagbibigay ng saya sa'kin. Pero kasi... hindi na tuwa nararamdaman ko tuwing nagse-skate ako. It feels like a chore, it's tiring."

"I don't want to feel this, Lukas. Skating is the only thing I'm good at. Hindi pwedeng mawalan ako ng gana, ano nalang mangyayare sa'kin pag tuluyan na 'kong napagod? Sino na magmamahal sa'kin pag tinigil ko 'to? Sino ako kapag hindi ako si Dianna Amethyst na figure skater?" My voice broke.

"Sino na ako? I'm just average in everything that I do, maliban sa skating. I've never won a big shiny trophy, but I'm good. What would happen to me if I stop?"

Lukas tried shushing me while I was breaking down right in front of him.

I was so used to bottling up everything I feel. Keeping every single thing to myself which is unhealthy.

I feel like a volcano, an active one. Put a little pressure and she'll start bubbling up, the next thing you know a catastrophe is happening. She has snapped and exploded, causing a massive destruction.