Vibrant Eyes

Chapter 8 - Lingering Memories (And a Wolf)

Aether had gotten me a wolf pup. He may have thought that getting me something that took a lot to take care of would distract me. To be completely honest, it was the complete opposite. The wolf, who I named Salem grew up pretty quickly. He was a black and white wolf, with emerald green eyes. His eyes were so kind. It was like he could see right through me. I sat outside near a tree, with Salem in my lap. I'd spent a lot of time with him. He made me feel better. It distracted me from those haunting memories and nightmares for a moment. But when I was alone, they came back. The voices filled my head with lies and hatred. I tried blocking them out, but it was too much to bear. Aether would always enter before I caved in and comforted me. I just wished he'd get to me sooner rather than the last minute.

I started spending a lot of time by myself. I would constantly ask Takashi, someone I wasn't a huge fan of anymore if he had any solo missions for me. I'd avoid everyone, including Aether.

I sat in the hang-out room with Takashi and Saturn. "Now, I know you want solo missions Alana, but at the moment, we really need to send out two people for this mission." Takashi spoke clear and concise. "Then send someone else and not me." I said quite bluntly. Saturn took quick glances at me. I think she realized something was wrong. "Deal with it, Alana," Takashi snapped. I clicked my tongue and kept my mouth shut for the rest of the explanation.

Takashi had sent me and Saturn into the mountains to take care of some hikers that were sending a letter to another opposing organization that had heard of our whereabouts. We stayed in a cabin up there. Fortunately for us, it was snowing. That meant the hikers would've had to stop mid-way up for a break because of how hard it would be to walk in the snow. I explained this to Saturn, and said nothing else to her afterwards.

It was midnight. I stood outside, leaning over the porch fence with a sigh. Why was I acting this way? Nothing has happened that made me change, so why? I remembered the nightmares I had after that CyberCorp raid, as well as the flashback I had, if you could even call it that. I heard the door open.

"What are you doing out here at this hour?"

"Trying to forget about my problems for just one night," I replied quietly, keeping my gaze up on the stars. I felt her move next to me as she took a seat on the railing beside me. Saturn glanced over and caught my eye.

"I can hear you thinking from here. What's wrong?"

"Nothing, I'm fine." I stated. She didn't say anything. I sighed again.

"It's nothing, honestly, I'm okay, I promise. You don't need to worry about me. I can handle myself." She chuckled softly.

"I know, but I care about you. So, what are you really upset about?"

My eyes moved away from the sky towards her face. She wore a small smile. I knew it was pointless lying to her; no matter how much I deny it, my life is full of secrets and lies anyway. She'll find out eventually. I looked down again as I opened my mouth to speak.

"I've been having these nightmares ever since the raid Riggs, Aether and I did. When the nightmares come back, they get worse than normal and I have..." I paused. was it truly a good idea to tell her these things? I adjusted my gaze from the ground to her eyes. they were so kind. Salem brushed up against my leg with a whine. I smiled slightly down at him before taking a deep breath.

"I have these... flashbacks from where I came from."

It was hard to admit, but I needed help. Whether that was professional help or not. I was suffering inside, and I couldn't do a damn thing about it. That frustrated me. The feeling of helplessness that drowned my heart was too much to bear. Saturn put her hand on my shoulder and gently pulled me into a hug. I missed this... the warm embrace of someone who cared about me. Tears formed in my eyes as some of them escaped and fell down my cheek. Before I knew it, I had my face buried into Saturn's shoulder with my arms around her.

She gently stroked the back of my head, "Shh... you'll be ok..." She repeated over and over again. My throat was dry from how powerful my emotions were. I managed to get a 'thank you' out of my mouth. She just chuckled.

"Of course. Ill always be here for you Alana, no matter what."

We were like that for a while before a chill ran down both of our spines. We realized how cold it was outside. Salem nudged us and ran to the door wagging his tail. Saturn and I laughed as we let go of each other and walked inside. We started a fire in the fireplace and sat down on the couch.

Salem jumped up and fell asleep on my lap. I smiled slightly, patting him gently on the head. "Ya know, it was a good idea to get Salem for you," Saturn said.

"You think?" I asked. She nodded. "He likes you, and I can tell that he's been needing someone like you too."

I shifted my gaze down at Salem, who was fast asleep. "I think you're right... he's needed someone like me, and I've needed someone like him," I responded. We all sat on the couch, just enjoying the peace that we had before having to go out into the war zone again. I realized that not only did I need someone like Salem. I needed someone like Saturn too. After Sato died, my heart had been searching for someone to fill the whole she left. But, was Saturn just a replacement? That question ran through my mind for god knows how long. Saturn however, fell asleep on my shoulder after a while. I smiled. No... she wasn't a replacement. In fact, she was someone to build me up. Someone to lean on. And most importantly, someone to have those nice conversations with that you couldn't have with anyone else.

Thinking about Saturn made me think about Dakota. I wondered how she was. We hadn't seen each other after the incident in the initiation arena. Why was I worried about her now? She was nothing but terrible to me. Was she really? I thought about what she had done to me to make me hate her, but nothing was there. I realized that I never hated her to begin with. My hatred streamed from something else, but I assumed it was her at the time. I sighed. There was nothing I could do now. I'd pushed her away so many times that I had no desire to even try to get her back. Would she even want to see me...?

The morning light shone bright through the window. I managed to get up without waking the Saturn and Salem slumber party. I made some toast as that was all we brought. Well we had more, but Salem managed to get into it and eat the rest. They eventually woke up. "Morning sleepy heads," I said with a cheeky grin. Saturn laughed and Salem gave me a glare. We all sat down and ate what we had, discussing the plan as we ate. We finished, cleaned up and headed out the door. immediately, Salem jumped into the snow, making a huge mess. I sighed while Saturn laughed. "Salem, if you get snow on me I'll kill you," I stated, but was internally laughing.

The two chased each other around for a bit. I watched them, but as I did so I felt a chill down my spine. It wasn't a cold chill however, it was something more. It was a feeling. I felt as though something wasn't right, that something was going to go wrong.

"I'm just overthinking things..." I said to myself.

But,was I?