There are times,
When I feel your presence by my side.
There are times,
When I hear you say it'll be alright.
-Chán Juãn
No matter how much time,
There is in this life.
I'll think of you from time to time,
And always remember you with a smile.
...
How did it even come to this..? Why did it come to this..?
Over these past two years.. A lot happened. Let's just.. Start with my health. Sadly,I've gotten weaker and frailer as more time passed by... When I first got here.. I was more naive then I thought. Then I expected.. Oh how I wish to beat younger me up sometimes.
You could call this, my 'first' mistake. Even though I knew how messed up this place was.. I still tried, I still wanted to trust my maidservants, Not only did I try to get on the emperors good side for my family.. I even tried to befriend the other concubines.
I should've known better... Especially since I grew up with those siblings of mine.
Just.. How could I have been that stupid?
*sighs*
"Ah... Where did it all go wrong?" I muttered to myself, while looking out of the window in this rundown, abandoned residence.
Oops! This image does not follow our content guidelines. To continue publishing, please remove it or upload a different image.
Let's have a few recaps and flashbacks- Let me.. Reminisce if you will. It might be the last time after all... Who knows?
The emperors eyes that used to look at me with indifference, slowly started to look at me with pure disgust. I don't know when that changed or even why.. Just, what sin did I commit this time?
Luckily, he never touched me, I'm truly thankful for that to this day.. However, I at least thought we'd be able to tolerate each other.
How wrong I was.. At the beginning, he used to listen to my music and watch my dances.. He, enjoyed them to some degree. Even gave me some compliments and 'pointers'. We even played Xiang Qi! (chess)
I don't know when it all went wrong.. I must've gotten to greedy again...
...greedy for happiness.
One year passed in the blink of an eye, just like that.. And after my first year passed since my arrival. I, was send to the cold palace. All alone.. awaiting my death. To await my death.
'Hah, how pathetic.. Isn't it?'
"..." Thinking back on those times.. I just can't help but to show a bitter expression on my face. A bitter smile.
My 'friends'... Are probably the reason why my reputation is in ruins.. And why I'm on my death bed. Why I'm here.
"I should have never hoped for anything in this god forsaken place.." I muttered under my breath, even just the mere act of doing that, hurting my rasp throat.
My maidservants.. Who I started to treat as family, in the end. They betrayed me.. For money.
Oh how laughable..
"Heh.." At this point.. My only question is.. When?
When will I die.. When will I succumb to my death?
