His Little One (Book 1)

10 Eos Dextral, The Real One

Surprise double update (Chapter 9 and 10)!!! I just couldn't handle keeping this one to myself.

Content Warning: Adult Themes throughout rest of novel ;) PLEASE be warned.
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I stab the pepper. The night before was difficult to find rest. He's coming Eos. The bear won. Slates words resonate through my head, I pull back the knife and land again. You'll have to be brave. No fear. Or he'll go wild.

            No fear. Slice. Wild. Dice. The pepper becomes nothing more than a mush of its original. I've cut it far too small. The knife clatters on the table, my chest rising and falling quickly. No fear. The concept is understandable. His bear will approach me, and I will have to accept him with open arms to keep his human in control. I'm upset this critical information has been kept from me, however I can understand his reserves. His respect for my need of space is heartwarming, and the absolute determination he has that goes against his nature.

            The storm rages outside. I try to keep myself distracted. Slate made sure to have the whole house wired in a way to avoid outage. Even installed a backup generator if I need it. Such a worry wart he is. I toss the mush peppers into the pot letting them steam together in the sizzling olive oil. I crack through dried garlic dicing it as best I could while my thoughts take over my every minute. A wonderful aroma fills the room with subtle warmth. I let it heat my soul, the comfort pasta becoming a staple for me. I love the peppers cooking down into the sauce, then mixing it with a cheesy goodness. I've found colby-jack to be my favorite, but tonight I plan to experiment with gouda.

            I hear the pasta boil over, the starchy water burning atop the stove. My heart jolts to pick up the pot where it sizzles down, and I can wipe underneath. I turn down the heat settling it back into place so it can simmer until done. Focus Eos. The cheese still needs to be grated. My allowance of thought soon becomes consumed with the repeatable action of lifting and falling for the cheese against the grater. The town is so small that most things are one brand, one style, pre-grated isn't a thing on these shelves. However, I come to find I like it. Consuming myself in the kitchen has been a real technique of self-reflection. The way the process is repeatable, but also can be tweaked. Or the recipes for 'comfy cookies' or 'robust chicken' you can cook to your emotion. When I'm cold I make soup, when I'm sad I make dessert. I never used cooking as an outlet in Carters house. It was always a stressor, something I had to get done quick enough for him to keep his belt from cutting into my skin. Now, I imagine myself cooking for small kids, my friends, serving up something I've put my unspoken love into.

            It's refreshing.

            The pasta finishes boiling. I drop it into the drain in the sink pouring a little oil over the noodles, so they avoid sticking. I use a small amount of pasta water like the online recipe told me to use. One of the best things that's happened to me since moving to Whittier is learning to love myself. Chasity has been a good help, but it's mostly been me in the mirror reciting compliments to myself every morning. I've even followed my therapist advice to write love letters to myself on the mirror. Taking showers in the dark, writing compliments on my hand in pen to see all day, and finding my passion again has helped me stop taking showers in the dark, smile to myself in the mirror, and take pictures for myselfand not for the pleasure of others. Chasity complimented me right when adjustment started to be noticeable, now my work is more like my college years. You can feel the emotion I felt, see what I see. It's addicting again. I've found myself again. Now, not to say I don't have a long way to go. Giving myself to another is something I'll have to take a little more time, but I could give it a chance. A real chance this time. I know my attraction to Theo is more than the bond we have between us. Being here has helped me see the bigger picture. Theo's willing to give me the space I need while harming himself, put me first and my healing, let me grow. Now when he barrels into this house in his bear, I'll be able to put him first.