the flowers; h.s.

day forty

I knew that it was him from the moment that I heard that knock on the door.

It was kind of weird because it was just a normal knock. It was quick and light, if you weren't listening intently then you probably would have missed it.

But I didn't miss it. I knew that it was him. It wasn't another stupid delivery or anything, it was him in the flesh.

So I answered the door immediately. And this was basically how it went:

"Alia," He said, seeming to be relieved upon seeing my face, seeing that I was in one piece and my hair was in fact brushed and I had showered and I had clean clothes on. If only he had seen me just twenty days ago, he would not have been too relieved.

"Did you get my letter? And the sunflower?"

"Yes. I did." I suddenly became immensely timid. I didn't want to look at him straight in the eye because, well, I was angry. I was beyond angry. I was livid. And it was coming more now than it ever had in the past forty days of his absence. I knew that this anger had been there, just didn't want it to show, for some reason. I thought that the only thing that I wanted was him back, but now that he was here, I was so angry at him that I couldn't even look him in the eye. 

"I promised you that I would come back, and I stayed true to that promise."

"That's great."

"That's all I get?"

"What more could you want?"

"I don't know, maybe a 'I missed you, Harry. I'm glad to see you'?"

"I am very glad to see you, and I did miss you, but I can't even bear to look at you right now."

"Why?"

"Because, I don't know, you left?"

"But I'm back now."

"That's not the point, Harry. You left me out of nowhere, we didn't fight or break up. We were doing very well, and you wrecked that all because of your selfishness and your inability to commit to me full time."

"Alia, I'm here to commit. And as for the selfishness, you're right. I am selfish, but that was it. That's all I needed, one more adventure, and I'm done."

"How can I be so sure? How can I know that you won't leave me like you did forty days ago?"

"Because I won't. I don't need to. You are all I need."

"If I was all that you needed, then you wouldn't have left in the first place. If you don't want to be with me then that's fine. But stop stringing me along like you want me and care for me when in actuality, you are just looking for the next opportunity to leave me."

"You know that's not true."

"How can I know that it's not true if you haven't been here to talk me out of these theories that I've built up? You want to know what I've been doing for the past forty days that you've been gone? I've been staying in this small apartment, counting the days, and waiting for you to return. I'm pathetic."

"No, Alia-"

"No, Harry. You broke my heart. You were supposed to stay, and yet you couldn't find a good enough anchor to hold down that restless gene that you were cursed with. I can't be that anchor because if I was then we wouldn't be here right now, arguing and breaking up."

"We aren't breaking up."

"I've gotten used to you not being here. I've gotten used to the dead flowers that are sitting in the same exact spot as when you left. I've gotten used to being alone, without you, and I hate you for it. I hate you for leaving me and being as vague as possible and for not taking me with you and for only leaving behind a bouquet of flowers that wilted within the week that you were gone."

"Alia, please tell me that we aren't breaking up."

"You asked for this. You wanted this when you first stepped out of my door forty goddamn days ago! You knew that this would be coming when you left me all alone."

"Alia, please."

"Harry, you made me do this. I loved you. I still love you. But-"

"If you love me then give me another chance."

"I can't! You ruined it. You broke me! How could you? I was happy. You made me so happy."

"I still can."

"No, you can't. Because every time that I see you, I am reminded about those forty days that I spent alone, breaking myself and wondering where you were and who you were with and what made you leave and if I had anything to do with why you left."

"Alia. I'm begging you. I can't lose you."

"You already lost me, Harry. You lost me the moment that you put those flowers there and left."