the flowers; h.s.

day one hundred and eighteen

I received a letter in the mail, written in his handwriting, with his name on the top left hand corner with an address that I didn't recognize. I didn't want to believe that this was him writing me another letter, because the past letters had unfortunately broken me beyond repair.

But I was different now. I knew that deep within myself. I felt different. I felt new, if that makes sense. Like I've found myself again.

I tore open the letter slowly, not wanting to bruise the letter inside in any way. I wanted to see it just as he had sent it to me.

It read:

"Dear Alia,

I know that counting the days has always been your thing, but it has been precisely seventy days since I last heard your voice and kissed your lips. It's crazy to think that I have been without you for that long, because it seems like so much more, but I now more thoroughly feel exactly as you felt those days when I was gone.

I miss you, Alia, to say the least. My body aches for you when you are not here, and my eyes search for you in every crowd, wondering if maybe you are blending into the background without my knowledge. My mind races with memories of us together and happy, and also makes me feel even more regret in leaving you for those forty days. I regret it with everything that I am made of.

I don't want to go on and on about my somber feelings. I wrote this letter not to make you feel sorry for me, or give you more fuel to light the flame that is your disdain for me. (Just like you, I have started to believe things that I hope aren't true. That you don't miss me at all and this time that we have spent apart has only made you realize just how terrible we were together. Please tell me I'm crazy.) I write this to ask you if I may possibly see you again sometime soon, preferably. I can't go on feeling this way.

If you are looking for a way to reject me, look no further than simply throwing this letter away without paying any attention to the rest of the words. I understand, though I am heartbroken.

If you are eager (I hope) to reconcile with me just as I am with you, then meet me downtown outside of your favorite ice cream shop, and maybe the only ice cream shop in town, as soon as the sun sets tomorrow evening. If you recall, this scene may play out a lot like our first date did. And I hope it does.

This can be our fresh start. We can love each other knowing the gravity of our feelings when the other leaves us behind.

I can't go on without you any longer, my dear Alia. Please give me another chance.

Love, forever and always,

Harry."