the flowers; h.s.

epilogue

I used to be a firm skeptic on the idea that everything happened for a reason. I thought that we were all given choices in life and what we choose and how we live our lives is what decided our fate. I always assumed that when something bad happened to me, it was because I had made a wrong choice somewhere down the line and it was now coming to bite me in the butt because I had chosen poorly. 

What I know now, or what I think I know now, is that Harry left me for a reason. Sure, it was selfish of him and felt like utter betrayal when I first walked into that room and saw those flowers waiting for me, but it had to happen. It had to happen because I had to learn how to love myself. I never knew the importance of it, never knew how self-love was the backbone of any healthy relationship until I was smacked in the face with the unhealthiest betrayal that I hopefully ever have to face. He left and, with him, he took every ounce of love I had for myself. All of my love had been poured out into him, so much so that when he took it away from me I was no longer myself. I was a shell, a lifeless and pathetic shell of a woman who never looked within herself to find the person that she truly wanted to be. And what I wanted to be was strong.

I can proudly say that I am that woman today. I am strong, though many think that because I took him back I am weak. I am not weak. I know what I want and what I want is him. He may have hurt me and burned so many bridges, but what I am aware of now is that I can live without him. I have the capabilities of being alone and loving myself so that no one else has to. But what I also know is that I don't want to live without him. He is the light of my life, the man who I want to spend the rest of my life with. There is no other person like him and the thought of being without him leaves a sour taste in my mouth. He is it, "the one" that everyone talks about in movies and books. He is that for me, and I am not giving that up just because of a stupid mistake that he will (hopefully) never make again.

With all this being said, I am proud to say that I have stopped counting days. It has been over a year since that fateful day where he begged for me back, and we have been happy ever since. I would not want to have lived this experience any other way because, as I said, it all happened for a reason. I know who I am now and, with him, I am simply more.

THE END.