the flowers; h.s.

day forty-two

He came back today.

He told me that he had spent the night in a hotel in town, and it was the worst night's sleep that he ever had.

I told him that now he knew what it was like for me whenever he was gone.

His face dropped, and he looked extremely guilty. I felt bad, but not bad enough.

He apologized again and I didn't say anything because I realized how much I had missed him and how much I loved him and I just couldn't watch him go anymore. So I listened to him apologize again and again until I really couldn't stand it anymore.

I invited him inside my home, which felt like I was inviting him inside of my brain. He saw how cluttered it was and how messy it was and how it didn't look as empty as it felt.

I told him that since he took all of his stuff with him and left this place looking uninhabited that I had to fill all of the space up with whatever I could find.

He made that sad, guilty face again. I felt bad, but not bad enough.

He apologized again. I nodded my head, letting him know that I heard him and I was taking it into account that he apologized to me a number of times.

He looked around, mindlessly picking up some of the things that I threw over the floors and the couches.

I told him to stop, that this was my home and I would dirty it up if I wanted. He looked guilty again, but I pretended not to notice.

I remember, word for word, what happened next because I just had to ask this question. It had been stuck in my head since the second day that we met, and I just had to know.

"Why did you come back? That first day when we met in the gas station, why did you come back? You said that this place was too small for you yet you came back the next day," I asked him.

He didn't hesitate, no. He answered the question like he had been preparing for it for his entire life.

"I came back because of you. Do you remember what you said to me?" I shook my head. "You put a whole new perspective on things. You told me about how the people in small towns always watch out for each other, and I had honestly never thought about that. Like I thought of small towns to be cramped little corners of the world, but then you told me that, and, I don't know, it made me think. I knew that whenever I couldn't get your words out of my head that I had to come back and talk to you more. So I did, and here we are."

"Yep, here we are."

"I always came back," He said quietly.

"Harry..."

"I know, I know. It's too late. I hurt you. But... I didn't know that I would cause this much damage."

"You didn't know? How could you not know? We built a life together and you just abandoned it, abandoned me. Of course you're going to cause damage."

"I didn't know that it would mess you up this bad. You're so different now, so closed off. I didn't mean to change you in this way."

"Well, you did."

"I know. And I'm sorry. I really am."

"Harry, stop apologizing. I know that you're sorry. But you telling me how sorry you are doesn't change anything."

"I know, but that doesn't mean that I'm going to stop." I gave him a look, one filled with both love and anger. Because while I knew that my feelings for him were so real, I also knew that what he did was utter betrayal.

"Harry..."

"No, listen. Alia, I know that what I did was wrong and awful, but this is it, you know. I won't find anyone else like you anywhere else in the entire world. I could travel all over the world and try to find someone as wonderful and as beautiful as you, but the whole thing would be a lost cause because you are one of a kind. And you were made for me, I know. I know that we are supposed to be together, and you know it too."

"If we are supposed to be together, then why did you have to leave? You can't keep blaming it on the imaginary person who lives in your chest because that person doesn't exist. There's a reason why you left, and I don't know why you won't stop sugarcoating it. Just tell me, I need to know."

"I told you why I left. Because I needed to travel one last time, and I did. And now I'm done. I'm ready to settle down and get a job here and be with you."

"I don't believe you."

"Well, you should because it's the truth," Harry said sternly. His face looked so serious when he said this that I almost believed him. I almost took his word for it and gave in.

We stood there for a couple more minutes before he decided that the silence was too much for him to handle. He told me that he would come back everyday until I changed my mind, and I just nodded my head, knowing that he would give up soon enough. Because that was Harry for you. He always left when things started to get serious.