the flowers; h.s.

day one hundred and twenty-one

I waited a full day to approach him next, wanted to make sure that what I was going to tell him was the full and honest truth. No take-backs.

I told him that I was scared of him. Maybe not him particularly, but what he could do to me. Promises are just words, and words can be broken and taken apart and end up having a completely new meaning.

He told me that there was no other way for him to show that what he wanted with me was real, unless to slowly go back to way that things were.

I told him that thinking that things would just pop back into place after this much heartbreak and time apart is completely naive.

He grinned at me, for whatever reason, and took my hands in his like he had done just two days before. He said, "Alia, what I feel for you is real. And what you feel for me is real. I know that you want us to be together just as much as I do, so let's do it. Either we can go our separate ways and think for the rest of our lives what could have been had we worked through things, or we can just do it. We are meant for each other."

Such a cheeseball.

I couldn't very well disagree with him because I thought of the same scenario just days before. I knew what I wanted, but what was this feeling in the pit of my stomach that was causing me to rethink everything? It was gnawing at my insides, making me feel sick. I just wanted it to stop so that I could go back into this relationship all in, every piece of me invested into making things right with this man who I ached to be with in every moment of every day. Every thought is dedicated to him, every move I make and every choice is for him, even when I don't want it to be. I may understand myself in a deeper sense now, but I know for a fact that this is the man that I am supposed to spend my life with. So why wait any longer? People say that love conquers all. So wouldn't it conquer this feeling in my stomach that is so obviously fear? I can't live my life in fear of things that I'm not sure of. I don't know for a fact that Harry will hurt me again. I can just trust in him that he won't. That's the only way that I know to make this work. Trust.

"You're right. I'm in," I told him, finally. The look in his eyes was just enough to make that feeling in my stomach disintegrate immediately. He was so blissfully happy that he made me feel the same way.

He wrapped his arms around me and squeezed me tightly, whispering in my ear saying that I won't regret this and that he loves me.

I know that I made the right decision, and we finally have all the pieces in the right position for us to make a real future together. It's an amazing feeling, to know that you are finally with the person that you're supposed to be with.

I can't believe I went all this time fearing it.