Opposing Forces

30

Their stare was intense, the electricity flowing was strong by just the joining of hands, one on top of the other, not even intertwined. This touch was not one of a sexual nature, but one of a connection from deep within.

Meredith was the first to break the stare . . .to pull her hand away. She had to think through what she wanted to say. Before coming she knew exactly what to say. But now, sitting here . . . she couldn't form the words.

Derek finally spoke not sure what to say, "Meredith." He said somewhat rasped. He cleared his throat to speak more clearly, "Why did you want me here tonight?" He talked in a tone barely audible over the crash of ocean waves.

"We need to talk." She replied right back.

There was another few seconds of silence. Meredith collecting her thoughts and Derek sitting in wonder, "we do." Derek confirmed, hoping to prompt her to say more.

Meredith took a deep breath knowing she had to talk, "Derek. Today . . . it was the job. I was just doing my job."

"But." Derek started to say.

"No, no buts. " Meredith turned to look back at him.

"Ok." Derek mumbled knowing it was time he needed to listen fully to her.

"Every ounce of my head is telling me this is a disaster, but every other part of me knows there is no denying what I am feeling." Meredith said slowly and clearly so that he could hear.

Derek watched her, her hair blowing slightly with the wind. "What are you feeling?" Derek asked.

"Something I have never felt before." Meredith simply responded, "But, what happened today . . . Derek, it can't happen. You can't get pissed because I was doing my job."

Derek knew she was right, "I know. I was . . . you were just doing your job."

"What exactly are we doing here?" Meredith asked. There were some decisions to be made and they had to be open and honest which wasn't Meredith's personality. She was usually very closed off and let very few people in.

"What do you mean?" Derek wanted to be clear on what she meant before saying anything. Pouring his heart out wasn't something he did much if ever really.

"Us . . . together. What is it?" Meredith clarified.

Derek didn't know what to say. He wanted to tell her exactly what he thought it was, but he didn't know how she really felt. "I don't know. What do you want it to be?"

Meredith sighed knowing they were both dancing around their feelings and what they truly want out of this. "I want us . . . I just don't know if we can . . . if there can be us." She looked hard into his eyes, trying hard to read them in the darkness surrounding them.

"Because of our positions . . . is that the only thing that would hold you back?" Derek asked leaning into her slightly.

"Yes." Meredith barely said loud enough for Derek to hear.

Derek's heart soared while his stomach sank. He had no idea what to say and decided to take a deep breath before talking. "You are . . . Meredith we are in two different worlds right now."

"We are. But, Derek could you back out at this point? I will if you want to, but I don't want to." Meredith was laying it all out. This was what tonight was about. She had to; they had to talk beyond the lust for each other . . . they had to talk about the sparks that ran through their bodies when they were in a room together.

"No, I couldn't, no backing out." He admitted slowly.

"Do you think anyone . . . I mean, Lieutenant Commander Montgomery seems to hang around a lot, but, I don't think she knows? Do you think anyone has noticed . . . or anything? Meredith stumbled through a little bit, unsure how to word this but she had to know.

Derek let out a much needed chuckle looking at Meredith.

She smiled a bit, "What?"

"I don't think I have ever seen you like that. You usually have the perfect thing to say, very sure of yourself." Derek smiled wanting to wrap her up in his arms, but didn't want to test those waters just yet . . . they were talking and he knew the minute he touched her, he wouldn't be able to stop.

"Yeah, well, it doesn't happen much. You are one of . . ." Meredith said quickly not even thinking . . . but she stopped to think about it. He wasn't one of a few, "You are the only one actually." She whispered shocked at her admission and that she felt this comfortable with him. She didn't let her guard down for anyone . . . she was raised to be tough, no matter what. But Derek, he tore down those walls.

"I am glad to be the one." Derek replied, cocking his head slightly smiling at her. They both could feel themselves leaning in closer.

"Derek, talk . . . we should finish talking . . . before . . ."

"Yeah, shit, I know. We do." Derek backed away, but decided to pull her into him as they talked, feeling her warmth in the cool summer breeze.

"So, before . . . during my stammering, I asked if you thought anyone knew. I don't think Montgomery has anything; just curious is all if there is anyone on our trail." Meredith was curious what Derek thought.

Derek exhaled, "I think there are a few." He couldn't lie, but wasn't sure she needed to know just yet. He didn't want this to change anything.

Meredith immediately sat up off his chest to look up at him with a somewhat worried expression, "Who?"

"Mark, AE1 Sloan." Derek said not wanting to offer up more information until asked.

"Ok." Meredith took a deep breath of concern not knowing much about him.

Derek knew this was hard but this had to start with the truth, he knew that, "He is my brother, my best friend. We live together and he knows me . . . sometimes I think better than I know myself."

"Will he talk?" Meredith asked curiously.

"He will not breathe a word to anyone, ever. I would trust him with my life." Derek knew Mark would take this to the grave if he had to. Derek added, "He knows how I feel . . . about you. He is an ally and will always be one."

"We have some eyes and ears out there then." Meredith tried to stay calm thinking about someone in the command knowing. She wasn't used to trusting anyone with knowledge like that, but she felt like Derek was telling her the truth.

She relaxed back into him again with one of his arms around her and the other propped beside him for stability. He took in the loveliest scent he had ever smelled, some flower. Derek took a deep breath knowing there were more important things than this to talk about tonight. "So, how do we make this work? You an officer . . . me enlisted. How do we do this if neither of us are stepping away?"