change your mind - sookai ff ☆

thirteen

"I hated that. So much more than anything I've been through up until now." Hueningkai finally muttered, breaking his lengthy silence. The uncomfortable atmosphere surrounding him didn't go unnoticed by Soobin who was watching him with guilt. A part of him shattered knowing he couldn't just use his words to stop Sunwoo, and the same part bathed in sadness as he had to admit how beautifully executed it was. He waited for the perfect timing, when both him and his lover were emotionally and, for one of them, physically damaged, and Kai could have just let go of everything and submitted.

But he didn't, and that was why Soobin loved Hueningkai so much.
"Soobin." Hueningkai said, looking up at him.
"Yes?"

You love him more than...her?

"Have you ever had someone you loved, like love loved, but had to let go?"
The amount of memories that flooded into his mind were countless, so much so that he had to sit down on a stool next to the hospital bed. "Yes."
"What were they like?"
"Her name was Yuna, the most beautiful girl I'd ever lay my eyes on," he saw Kai through the comer of his eye looking at him with disdain. "No offence, of course, since you're the most beautiful person l've ever seen."
That seemed to cheer the younger up enough so he continued.

"Anyways, when me and her got together, I never wanted to let her go. She was like a delicately crafted angel, and she excelled in everything. But then, things took a turn for the worse. Yuna's father's job relocated and she moved somewhere in England. I tried to message her but she hasn't replied to me ever since she left."
"Be honest, do you still love her like that?"
"No, not anymore." Soobin immediately responded before getting up from the stool and holding the warm hand of his beloved.

"Kai, I'm so sorry you've had to go through everything that I've put you through. It's my fault that you're here in the first place and that he came to see you. I shouldn't have put you in all of my problems, I'm sorry-"

"Don't apologise. This, all of this, I know you never meant for anything to happen. If it's my fate for your life to just collapse into a pile of problems then so be it, I just want you to know that I'll be there with you." Kai was completed happy with that. Everything had seen laid out on a palette before them, each having its own uniqueness, and Soobin and Hueningkai were like the painters, fitting them together to make a masterpiece.

The nurse from before once again entered the room and announced that Hueningkai was free to leave with some prescribed painkillers.

***************

"God, I'm so tired, I feel like going to sleep forever," Soobin said as he continuously yawned and collapsed onto his bed. Finally, after what seemed like forever, they were somewhere they could call home - at least for now. They felt as if they could dig graves in the bed, with all the events of the past few days weighing them down - it was moving too fast.
First, they have an argument, then when they resolve it, Soobin's fucked up father pops out of nowhere. Next, Hueningkai gets shot and his ex comes out of nowhere?! Not to mention, Yeonjun was leaving in... two days. Perfect.

"Let's listen to music, it'll help clear our minds." Soobin said tiredly as he turned on his main playlist named "hyuka <3" and layed down next to his lover.

"Now playing: Try Again - Jaehyun and d.ear."

we shared,
expectations that have increased for a long time, maybe it's natural.

As Hueningkai relaxed himself underneath Soobin, the elder couldn't help but gaze at those eyes. Penny with hints of tawny brown capsules which seemed as if they held the whole world behind them. It was almost depressing that someone could have such beautiful features - they brought out his entire realm.

so many calls,
without reaching each other's hearts, it went like that.

Unbeknownst to Soobin, Hueningkai knew exactly what he was doing and let himself bathe in the glory. He saw Soobin as ridiculously gorgeous, not just by his looks but by his personality also. Admiration overpowered every other emotion in his head as he lay still, listening to the song play.

so whenever you ask me again, how i feel.
please remember my answer is you.

It would be a lie to say he wasn't still scared, however. There were still people out there who wanted them, separately not together. To be frank, Hueningkai wasn't sure whether or not he'd be able to live without Soobin, even if that meant facing everything he came with.

Honestly, maybe he wouldn't be living at all. The treatment from his mother alone could have driven him to the edge but Soobin just had to come at the perfect moment. He knew he wasn't ready to let him go just yet.

even if i go back a long way. cause i'll still be the same, we'll be alright, i want to try again."

"Huh? Why are you crying?" Soobin asked, nearing his hands to the younger's face out of worry.
"Soobin... I wish everything would just slow down, but it's only going to get worse, isn't it?" That face. He just wanted to be sure everything would be all right - his eyes glossed over as the two held their gaze, unbreakable like a metal chain. They were pulling each other inwards, an invisible force between them. Soobin extended the lengthy fingers on his hand upwards to cup the wet side of Hueningkai's face and brought it back with a soft grippage; they were mere centimetres apart.

"I'm more than willing, even desperate, to embark on that journey with you. Everything about you is just so overwhelmingly perfect, you're like a drug to me. I'll be there for you, whenever you need me, you know that. Jun's leaving in two days and I want to make sure we spend as much time as possible with each other."

"Oh, right..." Hueningkai turned his phone on and checked the time before sighing sadly.
"Look, it's getting late, I should get going.."
"What do you mean, it's still the early hours of the afternoon..?" Soobin asked, confused as he gazed at Hueningkai's uneasy expression. "Kai?"
"I'm still scared. I don't know what she'll do when I get back."
Hueningkai felt his shaking hand being enclosed with warmth as the older held it with his own.
"Stay here then. For as long as you need." Soobin pulled the younger ever closer to himself eliminating any lingering gaps between them, including their lips.
They didn't measure how long they stayed there for, neither of them even bothered to care, all they knew was that they were together, and they were happy.

~~~~~~~~~~

🕴🏿....am i still allowed here?
i'm so sorry for being gone for like ages i've had exams and the such but i'm back!!!