too young for this

chapter 24 | la musique

a/n: This chapter is a mess of chapter breaks and unfinished scenes and memories because that's what's going on in Cam's mind! I hope you enjoy!!

I let my eyes flutter closed as the men slam the door to the van they've put us in, our entire group.

Valentina laughs angrily, "Fucking bitches think we're just some kids they can push around. They don't know that I've been to jail before."

I'm too numb to be shocked, of course she has. Where else could she become this badass?

"I fucking know their type," she spits, "they abuse others with their power."

I hear the gurgle of a cry and open my eyes hurriedly. Charlotte stares at the wall, every muscle in her jaw pulled taut, as though not to let the fear escape.

I feel tears arrange themselves at the corners of my eyes, collecting and collecting. Then one slips down my cheek, almost cinematically.

This, cinematic? Ha.

I giggle, biting my lip to stop it.

Marianne hums sadly, shaking her head.

She's already seen me in this state several times before. Around the time of my mother's death.

Mama.

The more I was with Jamie the less I thought of her. The less I cried.

I betray her by not letting her into my mind.

More tears until I feel a wad stuck in my throat. I choke.

I am cruel. My Mama. Blood in the tub. Cracks in our mirror. Her reflection.
The touch of his lips. His arms around me. The look on his face. The disbelief. The shame.

I can't do this again. Don't make me do this again.
My eyes are dry but still I cry. My throat is sore.

Please, don't make me do this again.

please

・❥・

A thousand miles pass us by and my only thought is him.

God.

And even though he's in the car infront of us I miss him.

And hate him.
I wish he could say sorry.

I hate him.

Hate all my messes. Hate my problems. Hate my life. But most of all I hate myself.

My petty excuse for a heart. My smile. My bad eyes. The hair on my arms.

The hair he liked to touch.

But part of me wonders, was I really just obsessed with Jamie?

Did he notice? Was he just a breath of fresh air when I was suffocating myself?

As long as I beg for this car to be struck by lightning is countless. Just one shock, straight through the front window, shattering the glass over that ugly man. Cutting his confidence into a thousand little cries.
Maybe then it'd hit me too. I mean, spare my friends, but it can hurt me. Kill me.

Alas, the car keeps driving, straight towards hell.

How did I not realize that Jamie's and mine fun wouldn't last. Nothing good ever does. Especially not for bitches like me. Never.

But why did I even let him follow me? Why did I ever even fall for him? Why'd I ever look into his eyes? How could I?

I'm a mistake. I am the dirt on the bottom of your shoe. And the funny thing is I like it when you step. The pressure on my skull when you stomp.

I am nothing.

・❥・

I'm letting my head bang against the metal of the car with each bump.

Then, there's music. In my ears, frothing at the lobes.

Sweet french words coating the rough strumming of a guitar.

Val nudges Mari softly, her elbows raising, hands in fists.

She dances.

Swaying her head to the song with a hum. Mari smiles weakly, joining her slowly.

I turn and see Char's never ending pout twist upwards by a sliver.

Alexi is asleep on the seat, curled up into a tight ball. He doesn't wake up.

Then, deep sounding french falls from Mari's lips.

My face hurts with the small grin that appears. My head bangs against the metal and I match it to the beat.

Long time no see...anyways I've returned from the dead and have published an Avatar fan fiction (Neteyam romance with my oc)! So go check that out <3333
Also, regarding this story, I will try to update much more frequently.
Love you all always!!!