Painted Lady {h.s}

seventeen going under

{"I was far too scared to hit him
But I would hit him in a heartbeat now"}

★LORELAI★

April 6th

1997

I never noticed how long it takes for the sun to set after a day of wallowing.

April 7th

1997

I'm sure my muscles are decaying by now. My boss is beginning to get furious with my poor excuses on why I can't come into work. I can hear the chatter from the living room about why I haven't left my room.

April 8th

1997

Mitch knocked on my door today, practically pleading for me to respond. He told me that he left me some food at the door. I couldn't find it in myself to grab it though.

I really hope Harry didn't mention anything to the rest of the group.

I haven't heard from Harry since that night.

April 9th

1997

The loft is eerily quiet when no one is home. I used this opportunity to finally get some food and clean myself. I had been rotting away in my bed for days, and today was the first day I felt my spirits rise along with the sun.

After the first initial days of pitying myself, and forcing myself to not forgive and forget, I'd decided it was time to finally get up. My hair was matted behind my back, and I was nauseous with hunger. I waited til everyone was gone before I crept out of my room. I chugged multiple glasses of water and ate nearly all the eggo waffles in the freezer. My energy was at an all time low, but I wouldn't let myself crawl back into my bed. I took a boiling hot shower, washing away all the pain and hurt. I had caught a glimpse of my body and face in the bathroom mirror and nearly broke down at the sight.

Not only did I feel broken, but I looked it too. The large bruise on my face has turned from a dark purple to a fading yellow, but the one on my ribs still looks fresh. My eyes were void of any emotion, I looked completely empty inside. I knew I would recover though, I always did. But this time was different. This time I was finally going to end it with William.

I'm done being his punching bag, and I can't believe I let it go on for this long.

I didn't decide this because of what Harry said. In fact, I've been thinking about this for a while. The final straw for me was him coming into my new home, and causing a scene. Harry simply helped give me the final push to pull the plug. I'm not sure when or how I will tell him, but I need to do it soon. I can't feel trapped like this any longer.

This time I'm serious.

So serious that I invited Faye over to tell her everything.

She deserves to know. I've been keeping her in the dark for so long, and as my best friend, I feel like it's time to finally share my story. She had always been my biggest advocate and the biggest William hater. She didn't even know the worst parts of our story, but could still tell that things weren't right. I should have just listened to her from the beginning, and I plan on telling her just that.

I am nervous about how she will react to seeing me though. When I had called her, I made it seem like it would be a regular get together. I didn't want to scare her. I will most likely have to physically restrain her so that she doesn't do something that will land her on the news.

I'm also nervous about telling her that someone else knew before her. I don't expect her to be hurt, but in my own mind, no one was supposed to find out. But if it had to be someone I would've wanted it to be her first, not a guy I've only known for barely two weeks. She will praise Harry for helping me, but I will always feel bad that it wasn't her helping me instead.